Showing posts with label Grief book. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grief book. Show all posts

Friday, May 3, 2013

Friday's Faith - "A Long Bitter Prayer that Was Answered Finally"





Friday's Faith

"A Long Bitter Prayer 
that Was Answered Finally"








“These people who can see right through you never quite do you justice, because they never give you credit for the effort you're making to be better than you actually are, which is difficult and well meant and deserving of some little notice.” 






"(People) make you doubt yourself, which, depending on cases, can be a severe distraction and a waste of time. This is a thing I wish I had understood much earlier than I did. Just to reflect on it makes me a little irritated. Irritation is a form of anger, I recognize that. 

......."One great benefit of a religious vocation is that it helps you concentrate. It gives you a good basic sense of what is being asked of you and also what you might as well ignore. If I have any wisdom to offer, this is a fair part of it."

~Marilynne Robinson, Gilead








“But I believe also the rewards of obedience are great, because at the root of real honor is always a sense of the sacredness of the person who is the object...

"When you love someone to the degree you love her, you see her as God sees her, and that is an instruction in the nature of God and humankind and of Being itself.” 







"I don't know what to say except that the worst misfortune isn't only misfortune---and even as I write those words, I have that infant Rebecca in my mind, the way she looked while I held her, which I seem to remember, because every single time I have christened a baby I have thought of her again. The feeling of a baby's brow against the palm of your hand---how I have loved this life... I laid my hand on her just to bless her, and I could feel her pulse, her warmth, the damp of her hair. The Lord said, 'Their angels in Heaven always see the face of my Father in Heaven' (Matthew 18:11).... Many people have found comfort in that verse."

~Marilynne Robinson, Gilead







......."I don't think it was resentment I felt then. It was some sort of loyalty to my own life, as if I wanted to say, I have a wife, too, I have a child, too. It was as if the price of having them was losing them, and I couldn't bear the implication that even that price could be too high."

~Marilynne Robinson, Gilead








“They say an infant can't see when it is as young as your sister was, but she opened her eyes, and she looked at me. She was such a little bit of a thing. But while I was holding her, she opened her eyes. I know she didn't really study my face. Memory can make a thing seem to have been much more than it was. But I know she did look right into my eyes. That is something. And I'm glad I knew it at the time, because now, in my present situation, now that I am about to leave this world, I realize there is nothing more astonishing than a human face... 
"You feel your obligation to a child when you have seen it and held it. Any human face is a claim on you, because you can't help but understand the singularity of it, the courage and loneliness of it. But this is truest of the face of an infant. I consider that to be one kind of vision, as mystical as any.” 







"As you read this, I hope you will understand that when I speak of the long night that preceded these days of my happiness, I do not remember grief and loneliness so much as I do peace and comfort---grief, but never without comfort; loneliness, but never without peace. Almost never."

~Marilynne Robinson, Gilead







 "I pulled down old John Donne, who has in fact meant a lot to me all these years. 'One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally, / And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.' There are some very fine lines in Donne. I hope you will read him, if you have not read him yet."

~Marilynne Robinson, Gilead








“I'd never have believed I'd see a wife of mine doting on a child of mine. It still amazes me every time I think of it. I'm writing this in part to tell you that if you ever wonder what you've done in your life, and everyone does wonder sooner or later, you have been God's grace to me, a miracle, something more than a miracle. You may not remember me very well at all, and it may seem to you to be no great thing to have been the good child of an old man in a shabby little town you will no doubt leave behind. If only I had the words to tell you.” 







“If we can (be) divinely fed with a morsel and divinely blessed with a touch, then the terrible pleasure we find in a particular face can certainly instruct us in the nature of the very grandest love.” 






“It has seemed to me sometimes as though the Lord breathes on this poor gray ember of Creation and it turns to radiance - for a moment or a year or the span of a life. And then it sinks back into itself again, and to look at it no one would know it had anything to do with fire, or light .... 
Wherever you turn your eyes the world can shine like transfiguration. You don't have to bring a thing to it except a little willingness to see. Only, who could have the courage to see it? .... 
Theologians talk about a prevenient grace that precedes grace itself and allows us to accept it. I think there must also be a prevenient courage that allows us to be brave - that is, to acknowledge that there is more beauty than our eyes can bear, that precious things have been put into our hands and to do nothing to honor them is to do great harm.” 







..............Time, like an ever-rolling stream,
..............Bears all its sons away;
..............They fly forgotten, as a dream
..............Dies at the opening day.


"Good ole Isaac Watts. I've thought about that verse often. I have always wondered what relationship this present reality bears to an ultimate reality.


..............A thousand ages in Thy sight
..............Are like an evening gone ...


"No doubt that is true. Our dream of life will end as dreams end, abruptly and completely, when the sun rises, when the light comes. And we will think, All that fear and grief were about nothing. But that cannot be true. I can't believe we will forget our sorrows altogether. That would mean forgetting that we had lived, humanly speaking. Sorrow seems to me to be a great substance of human life. For example, at this very moment I feel a kind of loving grief for you as you read this...."

~Marilynne Robinson, Gilead







“I am grateful for all those dark years, even though in retrospect they seem like a long, bitter prayer that was answered finally.” 















Picture, thanks to ~ Safehaven For Widowed
Quotes, thanks to goodreads.com from ~Marilynne RobinsonGilead


Monday, February 11, 2013

Tuesday's Trust - Grace Amidst Sorrow in My Soul...





Tuesday's Trust


Grace Amidst Sorrow in My Soul...






I did not go through pain and come out the other side;

instead, I lived in it and found within that pain

the grace to survive and eventually grow.

I did not get over the loss of my loved ones;

rather, I absorbed the pain into my life,

like soil receiving decaying matter,

until it became a part of who I am.

Sorrow took up permanent residence in my soul

and enlarged it.


~Grieving Father, Jerry Sittser, A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss










Picture, thanks to ~I Miss Those Close to Me Who Are Now In Heaven As Beautiful Angels
Grief Book: ~A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows Through Loss by Grieving Father, Jerry Sittser


Sunday, October 21, 2012

Monday's Mourning Ministry - Goodnight Sweetheart ~Bing Crosby






Monday's Mourning Ministry

Goodnight Sweetheart

~Bing Crosby






I dedicate today's song, "Goodnight Sweetheart" in loving sympathy over the loss of Pamela Palmer Mutino's daughter, Maria…

I am currently reading about precious Maria in Pamela's book, 
-S-W-I-S-H- Maria in the Mourning. In her book, Pamela tells about having a heart-wrenching premonition as she sleepily awakened to hear Bing Crosby's otherwise endearing song, "Goodnight Sweetheart" in what, ultimately as it turned out, was just days before her 23-year-old daughter died… At the time, she could not sort out what her horrendous premonition was trying to tell her...

As I listened to Bing's song a couple of times, I found I was weeping right along with Pamela for both of our beautiful daughters…

(For a sense of what the book ~and its unusual title~ is about, there are some excerpts from reviews of Pamela's book at the bottom of this post.) Thank you Pamela for sharing your recent comment with us, enabling us to mourn right along with you for your precious child, along with our own...






Goodnight Sweetheart

~Bing Crosby



Goodnight sweetheart, 
'til we meet tomorrow 
Goodnight sweetheart, 
sleep will banish sorrow 
Tears and parting may make us forlorn 
But with the Dawn a new Day is born 

So I'll say goodnight sweetheart, 
though I'm not beside you 
Goodnight sweetheart, 
still my love will guide you 

Dreams enfold you 
and in each one I'll hold you 
Goodnight sweetheart, 
Goodnight 

The day is over and it's cares and woes 
In peaceful sweet repose, will fade and die 
A dreamy dreamland beckons you and me 
How happy life would be if we could dream forever 

Whistling Interlude...

[spoken]: 
So I'll say goodnight sweetheart 
even though I'm not, I'm not always right beside you 
I'll still say goodnight, goodnight sweetheart 
I want you to know that my love, 
My love will always guide you 

And dreams enfold you, 
In each one I'll hold you 
Goodnight sweetheart, 
Goodnight...








~~~~~



Excerpts (found on Amazon) from three reviews of

-S-W-I-S-H- Maria in the Mourning, by Pamela Palmer Mutino:




"One minute a mother is relishing the swishing sound of a wedding dress in anticipation of her daughter's wedding. Almost the next minute, it seems, she is mourning the death of that same daughter to horrific addiction and overdose of heroin. It's enough to make her imagine that (an) ornament-less, six-foot Christmas tree is the perfect size of a heroin dealer which she attacks with unmitigated rage...."

~Viviane Crystal, Vine Voice


~~~


"A talented writer, Mutino is also a (playwright), and as she tells in her book, she had no intention of ever writing anything. But she knew at some point her writing was her way of working through her personal tragedy. The best way to do justice to such a beautiful and emotional story is to end with Mutino's words.

"'I only knew that there was a story in me that was going to haunt me until it was in print. I did not want pity for my suffering. I wanted Maria's beautiful spirit to live on in such a way that others would connect to their own truths, when it came to loving, losing, living, dying and moving on.' -Pamela Palmer Mutino, Swish: Maria in the Mourning"

~Neil and Tracy, www.bookroomreviews.com 


~~~


"I saw the play first and just had to have the book. Pam Mutino's writing style touches the heart in such a profound way. This is such a beautiful tribute to her daughter. A child remains a part of you forever whether she is with you still in this life or not. I recommend this book to anyone who loves, but that is sometimes all we can do.

~C. Westerman

~~~~~















Video: http://youtu.be/i9FIgfH0kLY

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Wednesday's Woe - Trauma Mama







Wednesday's Woe


Trauma Mama






Tommy and I were discussing over coffee this morning a new book we've both been reading, The Truth about Grief by journalist Ruth Davis Konigsberg (2011). The book covers general grief, not the grief specific to child-loss. (Konigsberg only dedicates three pages of her 245-page book to child-loss grief.)


It is not until the very end of her book, in the Afterword, that Konigsberg shows the help one griever, a widow, finally got for her grief when she decided to get help with her trauma. A year after her husband's death, the widow was suffering from recurring violent nightmares and insomnia, so she went to a psychologist who specialized in trauma. Weekly psychotherapy sessions combined with massage, acupuncture and exercise, she says, were what led her "back to relatively normal behavior."



Tommy and I then began talking about the trauma specific to Child-Loss Grief. We mentioned the violence that our children experience before death, but that we parents seem to carry with us after their death, when suddenly I felt the trauma wrapping its fingers around my heart with its icy chill. My head dropped, my hand shot up to prop my forehead. Tommy jumped up to run to the kitchen where he retrieved cranberry juice and a pastry for me. It has become a familiar scenario to him, that he is able to quickly read my body language that signals

~~T-R-A-U-M-A~~ which for me typically includes hypoglycemia.


Trauma is the aspect of Child-Loss grief that catches us grievers off-guard. We expect the depressive and debilitating sadness connected with losing our children, but who knew Trauma would come along with the package?


Not only does the trauma surprise us child-loss grievers, but many professionals miss its tell-tale signals as well.


Even Konigsberg, the journalist/author almost missed it (although she did mention trauma briefly in association with the debriefing of the families of the 9/11 victims), with trauma only making its appearance in the griever's necessary healing process at the tail end of her whole book about grief (at least she did catch on by then!)


Trauma in Grief is very real, and oh what a bear it is...



It is now hours later, and I am still feeling trauma's aftermath... My heart feels locked up it's so tight. My body is exhausted like I've just run a marathon. I am craving sleep.


Who knew child-loss grief would turn me into what we now call, a "Trauma Mama"?! As if missing my baby is not enough to deal with, now why don't we add terrorizing trauma to the mix. And people wonder why we can't just "move on" with our lives...!


Okay, I think it's time for my nap now...







Monday, April 26, 2010

Monday's Mourning Ministry - I Will Carry You ~Todd and Angie Smith and Selah



â


Monday's Mourning Ministry

I Will Carry You

~Todd and Angie Smith

and

Selah



Below is the sweet, inspired song written by Angie Smith as she was carrying her child still, even as she was finding out her child would not live for very long, if at all, once she was born. Heartbreaking yet hope-filled story of Angie and Todd and baby Audrey Caroline follows the song below. Thank you to Todd and Angie for sharing your story.





I Will Carry You

(Audrey's Song)


Selah


There were photographs I wanted to take

Things I wanted to show you

Sing sweet lullabies

Wipe your teary eyes

Who could love you like this?


People say that I am brave but I'm not

Truth is I'm barely hanging on

There's a greater story

Written long before me

Because He loves you like this


I will carry you

while your heart beats here

Long beyond the empty cradle

through the coming years


I will carry you

all my life

I will praise the One who's chosen me

to carry you


Such a short time,

such a long road

All this madness

but I know

that the silence

has brought me to His voice

and He said,


"I've shown her photographs of time beginning

Walked her through the parted sea

Angel lullabies

No more teary eyes

Who could love her like this?


I will carry you

While your heart beats here

Long beyond the empty cradle

Through the coming years


I will carry you

All your life

I will praise the One who's chosen me

to carry you









Testimony of


Todd and Angie Smith


I Will Carry You:

The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy







He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.


~Psalm 147: 3



May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.


~Romans 15:13











song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2CnUtVY35o&feature=channel
story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IRl6Z9kqifc&NR=1
book: I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Heavenly "Facebook" with My Child


. . . (My) soul . . . resumed talk with my loved one: I asked her questions, and she answered; she questioned me in return, and I answered . . . .

Love goes far beyond the physical person of the beloved. It finds its deepest meaning in his spiritual being, his inner self. Whether or not he is still alive at all, ceases somehow to be of importance . . . .


(N)othing (not even death) could touch the strength of my love, my thoughts, and the image of my beloved . . . . I think that I would still have given myself, undisturbed by (the) knowledge (of her death) to the contemplation of her image, and that my mental conversation with her would have been just as vivid and just as satisfying.

Set me as a seal upon thy heart, love is as strong as death.
*
--Viktor E. Frankl, while trying to cope in a concentration camp, not knowing whether his beloved wife was dead or alive.
Man's Search for Meaning
* Song of Solomon 8:6a
* * * * * * * * * *

Indeed, devastating grief is ultimately resolved this way. By experiencing the presence of the lost loved one inside of us, and sensing the way they are carried within our hearts, keeping us company, continuing to advise, inspire, and find unique value in us, we manage.

We still "have" them. We see their faces, hear their
words, smile at their foibles, hold conversations with them, laugh with them, scold them, and embrace them still. In an absolute and immutable way, they still exist.

Eventually the comfort of the image
takes over for the flesh-and-blood reality. We slowly trade anguish for sweet sorrow, draw nourishment from the inner companion, and transcend the loss, thanks to the gentle resourcefulness of the imaginal realm. This is the historical reason why imagery is a powerful tool that all of us know well. We leaned on it from our baby days (playing peekaboo with our mommies, we learn they are still there even though we temporarily cannot see them). It gets us through and allows us to tolerate separation and loss.
Imagery is the blankie all of us adults get to carry around--on the inside.
(Such) imagery works so well to heal the effects of (grief's) trauma.
Belleruth Naparstek,
Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal


* * * * * * * * * * * *

The above quotes are part of my follow-up to my letter to Digger in his comment on my first post, dated February 2, 2009:

"Parents Losing a Teenager to Death - A Glimpse of Grief After Two and a Half Years"

Grieving Mother/Therapist, Angie Bennett Prince said... in response to Digger's comment . . .

"I also find I weep the hardest when I hear good gospel music, and it's like a cleansing deep in my soul." Digger

Dear Digger,

I agree! I don't know what it is about music (and particularly gospel music) that short-circuits the left brain and heads right for the right brain (and most likely, the soul), but it really does!

The book Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal by Belleruth Naparstek reveals that the most current research in the field of psychology finds that "right-brain" activity (emotional/sensory functions of perception, sensation, emotion, movement) is the most important factor in healing trauma in a person! Staying too much in the "left-brain" (cognitive functions of thinking, analyzing, verbalizing and synthesizing) early on in one's attempts at healing can actually impede healing of trauma, (but can be very helpful in conjunction with right-brain activity after the right-brain activity has been established first).

Stay tuned, I will try to write about this phenomenon in a post on my blog soon as I think it is vital for us grievers to understand some of the most effective pathways to comfort and healing for our broken hearts!

Thank you for sharing what helps you express your grief, and the resulting "cleansing" of your soul that your weeping produces!

May God bless you and continue to comfort you in your grief,

Angie
April 1, 2009 11:59 AM

* * * * * * * * * *

From time to time, I find real treasures of books in my line of psychological counseling work; this book is one of those. It ushers in the latest research into the most effective counseling procedures to help the grieving person.

If you have a therapist, you might want to make sure they know of the late-breaking, revolutionary ways of approaching the traumatized in their healing work as the usual "talk-therapy" of the average therapist is
not the most therapeutic first-mode of treatment to utilize; not only is "talk-therapy" not indicated initially in therapy with a griever;
talk-therapy-only in the initial stages of therapy can actually be harmful to the traumatized griever. Attention to the right (emotive, creative) brain is critical for creating a base of safety to your emotionally-traumatized being before trying to process the left (analytical, verbal) brain to continue the healing process of integrating your severe loss and all its implications into who you are today.

May the One who someday will wipe away all the tears of His lambs, continue to comfort you in your grief,

Angie