Monday's Mourning Ministry - I Miss You Most at Christmas Time ~Mariah Carey

Monday's Mourning Ministry

I Miss You Most at Christmas Time

~Mariah Carey

I Miss You Most at Christmas Time

~Mariah Carey

The fire is burning
The room's all aglow
Outside the December wind blows
Away in the distance
The carolers sing in the snow
Everybody's laughing
The world is celebrating
And everyone's so happy
Except for me tonight
Because...

[Chorus:]
I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm alright
But then I miss you
Most at Christmas time

I gaze out the window
This cold winter's night
At all of the twinkling lights
Alone in the darkness
Remembering when you were mine
Everybody's smiling
The whole world is rejoicing
And everyone's embracing
Except for you and I
Baby...

I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm alright
But then I miss you
Most at Christmas time

In the springtime
Those memories start to fade
With the April rain
Through the summer days
Till Autumn's leaves are gone
I get by without you
Till the snow begins to fall
And then...


I miss you
Most at Christmas time
And I can't get you
Get you off my mind
Every other season comes along
And I'm alright
But then I miss you
Most at Christmas time

picture: from a fellow grieving-mother's blog: http://andrealarsen.blogspot.com/ entitled "No Empty Chairs"

video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAOIC737e_k

Monday’s Mourning Ministry - Be Still My Soul

Monday’s Mourning Ministry

Be Still My Soul

January, 2005. I was at a choir retreat in the mountains with my church choir. We began the retreat by sharing snacks in the dining room of the retreat center…

The college pastor and his wife were sitting next to me and my husband Tommy, along with another dear couple from our choir.

The college pastor penetrated my thin shell that must have been guarding my heart by asking about Merry Katherine as he had recently seen her doing her community service at a homeless shelter’s store.

He knew something must be going on because that is where the teenagers often go when they are serving their community-service part of their agreements with the juvenile court judge along with a three-month probation in lieu of any jail time for a misdemeanor.

Though the timing was very poor as our time was way too limited to get into such a heavy, heart-wrenching subject, I went ahead and answered his question about what had been going on

– that the summer before, Merry Katherine and two of her friends were caught at an office complex parking lot participating in underage drinking.

He very inappropriately had casually broached such a heart-wrenching subject, not privately, and not in a safe place where we could share our hearts, have prayer, and receive ministerial comfort.

Once he got his intended information, he ineptly handled the information and said it was time for him to leave, yet all four dear people did agree they would pray for her.

Unbeknownst to them in the midst of his callous treatment of the disclosure, my heart was essentially sliced wide open with the blood pouring out, and for the rest of the weekend, I could not stop the flow.

My heart was in the pit of my stomach, and I could not lift it out. Meanwhile, a client called me on my cell phone with suicidal intentions... All of this was just too much, and I was devastated.

******

I went to the regularly scheduled choir practice as this was the weekend in which we would learn and begin to memorize all the music for our spring concert.

Normally, singing music to God would lift my spirits and give me hope for whatever might be going on in my life. But I could not get my heart off the floor.

The minister of music had us break up into small groups to share our hearts and pray for one another, so I shared with two other ladies my heart-break; one of these dear ladies shared that her son was also in college and was rejecting any of his beliefs in God and was delving into other cultish religions. As horrible as I felt, the thought crossed my mind that this was an even worse fate, for at least my baby girl knew and loved her Lord. But still, my heart was flattened...even as we prayed.

After the prayer, God (through the minister of music) introduced the following song. It was the only song we as a choir were going to sing a cappella (singing without instruments), so it was a very powerful experience. The version of the song we were singing only included the first verse of the performance below. As you read and hear the words sung, you will hear what the Lord was trying to tell me.

Be still, my soul! the Lord is on thy side;

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every way, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul! Thy best, thy dearest Friend

Through thorny ways, leads to a joyful end.

I felt clearly that God was warning that a major change was coming and that I would need to prepare to “bear my cross of grief or pain”… but to remember that “in every change, He faithful would remain,” and also that “through thorny ways, (He) leads to a joyful end.”

As you might imagine, this message did not lighten my heavy heart, but confirmed it. The entire weekend was a heavy-hearted experience for me. I am usually a very upbeat, positive person, very confident that my God of love would always be with me. So this darkened time was very unusual for me.

As I found out later, my husband, my son Nathan (who was also her best friend), and I, all three, had a dark foreboding about her acting out and where it could lead.

Each of us strongly felt it would have NO good ending… but try as we might, nothing we could do would head it off….

We each also felt, in our own way, that God had used several signs to forewarn us of the evil about to decimate our lives…

and that of our baby girl’s life…

******

And, tonight, I hear the next two verses, and cry even more as I for the first time hear and read the words

Be still, my soul! when dearest friends depart

And all is darkened in the Vale of Tears,

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart

Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

******

Be Still My Soul

Libera

Be still my soul! The Lord is on thy side;

Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain;

Leave to thy God to order and provide;

In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still my soul! thy best, thy Heavenly friend

Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul! when dearest friends depart

And all is darkened in the Vale of Tears,

Then shalt thou better know His love, His heart

Who comes to soothe thy sorrow and thy fears.

Be still my soul! the waves and winds still know

His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul! the hour is hastening on

When we shall be forever with the Lord,

When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,

Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul! when change and tears are past,

All safe and blessed, we shall meet at last.

Losing My Mind

Losing My Mind

God, my family thinks I’m losing my mind,

And some days I have thoughts of the same kind...

They’ll tell me something, and minutes later,

I’ll forget...my mind filled with things graver...

Like death, dying, and where’s my baby girl?!

My mind is spinning; my brain is awhirl—

Nothing’s no longer right in this wrong world!

I don’t belong here, without my li’l girl....

Into a living nightmare I’ve been hurled

Where thoughts and beliefs and feelings just swirl,

But no matter how I pine and ponder,

My mind cannot rest, but starts to wander:

Is there some thing I can DO t’ make it right . . .

To end this horrible state of my plight?

And please don’t tell me she’s not coming back;

I cannot take a life filled with such lack!

We went through Father’s Day; she wasn’t there—

It felt so wrong ...our fam'ly circle, square?

Voices so lively, yet SHE wasn’t there!

On a day so special, her place was bare...

How do I go on, a hole in my heart,

A knife in my gut? My world falls apart...

So, no, I don’t think so clearly just now;

My mind can’t conceive of just where or how

Life should go on; who am I anyhow—

A counselor with no heart? – We can’t allow

Clients to come in, to talk problems out

With the counselor whose heart has been ripped out!

So I guess it’s going to take awhile

Till my heart, soul, and spirit reconcile

That th' horrible absence that is present…

Is just part of our heav’nly investment—

She is now wearing her heav'nly vestment…

Though absent here, she is very present…

In the stillness, we will feel her essence

As she blesses our hearts with her presence.

But if we’re not quiet, we might miss her...

Quiet our minds...for by faith we’ll see her!

Quiet me now, with Your comfort draw near,

Till that Day my baby girl will appear...

Picture: Angel & Butterfly card.jpg

Written 6/22/09 - Poem – Losing My Mind – Angie Bennett Prince