Blessed Father's Day - Daddies Who Have a Child in Heaven

Blessed Father's Day

Daddies Who Have a Child in Heaven

via 

~Grieving Fathers

People don't always see the tears a dad cries,

His heart is broken too when his child dies.

He tries to hold it together and be strong,

Even though his world's gone wrong.

He holds his wife as her tears fall,

Comforts her through it all.

He goes through his day doing what he's supposed to do,

But a piece of his heart has been ripped away too.

So when he's alone he lets out his pain,

And his tears come like falling rain.

His world has crashed in around him,

And a world that was once bright has gone dim.

He feels he has to be strong for others,

But Dads hurt too, not just the Mothers.

He searches for answers but none are to be found,

He hides behind a mask when he is feeling down.

He smiles through his tears,

He struggles and holds in his fears.

But what you see on the outside is not always real,

Men don't always show how they really feel.

So I'd like to ask a favor of you,

The next time you see a mother hurting over the loss of her child,

please remember…a Dad hurts too.

~~~

~Even Strong Men Cry~

You think because he’s a man he shouldn’t feel the pain,

of having his heart broken and tears that fall like rain.

Men you say are stronger and never show their fears,

they don’t let life destroy them, a fortress through the years.

Let me tell you of a battle waged daily on this dad,

leaving his heart in shreds with no happiness to be had.

Death came to call and took his loving son,

it left his heart broken, his world undone.

This battle has him crying and crawling on his knees,

if you listen you can hear him begging, "Why God, please?"

He sees what it has done to his children and his wife,

as they live daily with grief’s never ending strife.

Now his closest friend, his son, lives beyond the sky,

and when death comes to take your child..... even strong men cry. 

~Charlene Dickerson~ ©2001

~~~

Paul Newman, whose son died of an accidental drug overdose in 1978, said that everything in his life was divided into two periods, 

time before his son died and afterward.

~~~

When you become a Father……..

F = Fearless

A = Amazing

T = Tough

H = Heroic

E = Entertaining

R = Responsible

When Your Child Passes Away……………

F = Frantic

A = Angry

T = Tearful

H = Heartbroken

E = Emotional

R = Reserved

~~~

We are told, “It’s time to move on. Time to get over it. Time to get back to life.” 

How much time is enough time to “get over” death? 

And can we ever “get over” something as life-altering as the death of our child?

~~~

It's an exclusive club.

No one asked us if we wanted to join.

We never imagined we would be here,

but now that we are,

we are in for life.

A life sentence!!

~~~

I'm not sure that I'm ok,

Don't even think I'm fine,

I'm empty on the inside,

But not inside my mind.

My mind can't stop thinking,

What more could I have done,

I really can't stop wondering,

Where did everything go wrong.

I'm not really here at all,

Just the shell is left to see,

I have become someone,

I never thought I'd be.

A Grieving Father

~~~

The journey of grieving takes you from

loving in the presence,

to loving in the absence...

~~~

Don't say they're in a better place, 

please don't even start. 

Don't say that it was just their time  

when it's breaking my heart.

Don't tell me many die young or  

that their life was long 

Don't say that there's a reason   

or they're back where they belong.

Don't say that God needed them more  

or I know just how you feel. 

Don't give me any reasons   

when you're not at the wheel.

Don't tell me I'll get over it   

or any other thesis  

All I know right here and now   

my heart's shattered to pieces.

You don't need to say a thing   

there is nothing you can do. 

Just knowing that you're here for me   

when I've most needed you.

~Toni Kane

all-greatquotes.com

~~~

Letter From A Grieving Father

You can tell me that I'm not the only one hurting, or that he wouldn't want me to grieve. You could combine all the words in the English language, but that won't make this pain leave.

If you think that my jokes and laughter or my ability to complete any task are anything better than my smiles or silence, then you can't see past my mask.

If I seem inattentive or cold, or distant, uncaring, withdrawn... 

If I tell you that everything is fine, would you really know what's going on?

Life doesn't care, or even slow down. Much like a river, it's current can drown. My grief is an anchor that holds me down under as slowly it sets my whole world asunder. 

I'd like to escape and just disappear. But if I run far away from my problems down here, I'd fail much more worse than I've already done. I cannot escape, I cannot run.

I am the backbone that supports those that I love. Much like a column, I'm the support from above. I must be the strength, and as stoic as stone. Never to weaken even when I'm alone.

Never to falter, never to cry. Shedding no tears, these eyes must stay dry. I'll be the shining example of faith and of strength, not just for now-but at any length.

The distractions that are now only partially effective are slightly destructive and no longer corrective. 

This is what happens when I try to hide...I'm brought back to the night that my little boy died.

I'm just a man, and can handle many things. I've been through the worst that this world can bring. I wear those scars like my medals, and now I can see that healing from this is too much for me.

It turns out my toolbox is empty and my efforts were fruitless and my pitiful attempts are shallow and rootless, and in hindsight I should have called out to You... In hindsight I should have known what to do.

So, Heavenly Father, I hope I'm not imposing, but I'd like to request something in closing. From a father on earth with a shattered heart, would you please mend all of my broken parts?

- Matt Newton

~~~

I once had something special that money could not buy   

I had a special person but I had to say "Goodbye."  

If I was asked one question, Why I thought the world of you   

I could give a million answers and each one would be true.  

The heartache and the sadness may not always show   

People say it lessens, but little do they know.   

Meet me in my dreams please, and talk to me once more   

Ease the everlasting pain that makes my heart so sore.  

The road without you is so long, a tear for every mile   

But I know one day when I reach the end   

You will be waiting there with a smile.

Graphics, all thanks to "Grieving Fathers":

Grieving Fathers

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Grieving-Fathers/131616930235995

Graphic 1:
https://mbasic.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=169323223132032&id=131616930235995&set=a.131661973564824.24127.131616930235995&source=46&refid=13

Graphic 2:

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Graphic 3:

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Graphic 4:

https://www.facebook.com/131616930235995/photos/a.131661973564824.24127.131616930235995/638366176227732/?type=1&relevant_count=1

Graphic 5:
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Graphic 6:

https://www.facebook.com/healinghandofgrief

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Graphic 7:

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Graphic 8:
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Graphic 9:
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Graphic 10:
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Graphic 11:
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Graphic 12:
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Wednesday's Woe - The "Take-Away" of the Special Day ~Tommy Prince

Wednesday's Woe

The "Take-Away" of the Special Day

~Tommy Prince

We learned in math, that in subtraction, 

five "take-away" one equals four, 

or 

five minus one equals four, 

or  

"5 - 1 = 4." 

So, 

5 members of a family minus 1 member of the family = a family of 4. 

But in our case of Child-Loss, it feels more like 

5 take away 1 = "Forever Suffering…"

Having come through this weekend of the Father's Day holiday, in which the focus is on a father and his relationship with his children, I notice that no matter how much I try to delight in, or enjoy, the day, I always end up experiencing more of a "take-away" feeling. I cannot seem to "enjoy" the day, as 

the one "take-away" overwhelms the four remainder, 

so that 

the one is "greater than" the four

Or 

"1 > 4" 

in math terminology, which destroys the whole logic of mathematics. That shouldn't be surprising as the whole order of our family has been shattered as well. 

The sense of a "take-away" is heightened on these special days. No matter how much Angie and I try to be "up," the "take-away" brings us back "down." The "take-away" takes away the desire to even want to celebrate these days. Our hearts just won't do it; somehow our hearts want to mourn, not celebrate… We cannot get "up" because something's been "taken away," and our poor hearts and bodies know that all too well!  

On the surface, we can call them "Mother's Day," "Father's Day," or "Birthdays," but our hearts know they are really "Take-Away" days. 

The "take-away" overwhelms everything else. 

The one "take-away" is going to outnumber the four remaining here on this earth no matter the day, no matter the holiday, no matter how much we may try to "move on."

Playing on the titles of these child-story-books on math, it's as if our hearts continually plummet under death's "Action of Subtraction," and are daily longing for God's Ultimate Day when He performs His eternal "Mission of Addition," when our family will be restored to all of its members, and once again, the sum of its parts will be greater than the whole.

Pictures, thanks to Amazon.com 

Saturday's Sayings - Thinking of Fathers Missed, and Grieving Fathers on Father's Day...

Saturday's Sayings

Thinking of Fathers Missed, and 

Grieving Fathers on Father's Day...

With love, to my precious father who is now in Heaven...

~~~~~

With love, 

to all the precious fathers who are now Grieving Fathers...

MY DAD IS A SURVIVOR

My dad is a survivor, too

which is no surprise to me.

He's always been like a lighthouse

that helps you cross a stormy sea.

But, I walk with my dad each day

to lift him when he's down.

I wipe the tears he hides from others.

He cries when no one's around.

I watch him sit up late at night

with my picture in his hand.

He cries as he tries to grieve alone,

and wishes he could understand.

My dad is like a tower of strength.

He's the greatest of them all!

But there are times when he needs to cry.

Please be there when he falls.

Hold his hand or pat his shoulder

And tell him it's okay.

Be his strength when he's sad

Help him mourn in his own way.

Now, as I watch over my precious dad

from the Heavens up above

I'm so proud that he's a survivor

And, I can still feel his love!

~ Kaye Des'Ormeaux (Written October 16, 1998 and dedicated to the dads who have lost a child.)

BROAD SHOULDERS

Strong and tall, with shoulders so broad,

bearing all that doesn’t come lightly.

Daddy lost his child today

and is sad and weary from the pain.

Being strong for all those around him,

giving a shoulder for them, on (which) to cry.

Smiling through a pain so strong,

finding it difficult and oh so long.

Wanting to weep, but showing a strength

that is constantly deep and ever solid.

Never knowing that a stray tear has escaped,

from the loving eyes full of pain.

Trusting that his family will be out of harm's way,

not able to save the life of his child.

He drowns in the heartache of memories past,

frowning with frustration of a life not saved.

Experiencing a pain that is so awfully deep,

it won't go away and he cannot sleep.

Waiting, waiting, waiting,

but not to return to his fold,

innocently left by his darling child.

Comforting the mother of his loved one true,

through the heartache, the pain and the searching.

She's yearning as much as he too,

shrouded by pain as deep as the ocean,

like waves crashing and pounding without an end.

Weeping in the arms of each other,

clutching tightly and grappling for fear of losing

all that is left of memories and goodness

found in the eyes of the child that was stolen by death.

Solace the feeling that lasts only a while,

Daddy is grateful for the time that he had.

Cannot accept his precious and kind child is gone,

praying and wishing for his return to his

Father that will love and miss him until the end of time.

Reeling from the darkness when times get bad,

Looking to the future living on a thread.

Feeling so helpless that he can't give the love of his life

the child that she lost to the universe of heaven.

Quietly grieving for the loss that he feels,

showing naught to others, while repressing the need

to shout and scream by pretending it's not real.

Frustration at the wild anger he keeps in check,

wanting it to stop to allow peace in his shattered heart.

Like a knife in his chest, so sharp like steel.

Hoping that it is a nightmare too terrible to be real.

Anger, hurt, pain, frustration, longing, sadness

Those are his feelings and thoughts everyday.

Wanting to touch his child who's so far away,

Never knowing when this will come to pass.

His arms are empty and light, wishing that he could

take flight to gather his child from deaths door.

Accepting forever the pain and heartache,

He will take to his grave.

Patiently waiting to meet again,

The child of his loins and rid himself of the pain.

Loving his family till the end of his days.

Not wanting to leave them, but part of him did the

day he said goodbye and scattered the ashes

of the loved one unique in his own special way.

Forever the Daddy to the others he'll be,

Not knowing when his time will be free,

To once again talk and reminisce with his

Child of the spirit life that he has lost.

~ Lesley Couzens, in loving memory of her son Leedon

HOW DO YOU?

How do you describe an empty heart

Or a mind that will not sleep?

How do you measure the depth of pain

Or the volume of tears that weep?

How do you find new direction

When life's compass has no reference points?

How do you energize listless limbs

With death's arthritic joints?

How do you see the future

Through a lens of opaque glass?

How do you reconcile her name

On a plaque of tarnished brass?

How do you rekindle interest

In a life that was complete?

How do you overcome loss and pain

And the desire for social retreat?

How do you explain to those you know

The pretense that you have to project?

How do you smile when expected to

But your facial muscles object?

How do you trust a God you once knew

Or the power of goodness and prayer?

How do you put your faith in his hands

When those hands threw the switch of despair?

How do you absorb the colors of Spring

Through eyes that see only black?

How do you control the endless pain

Of wishing she was back?

~ David T. Kerry

When a loss hits us,

we have not only the particular loss to mourn

but also the shattered beliefs and assumptions

of what life should be.

These life beliefs must be mourned separately.

Sometimes we must grieve for them first.

We can't grieve the loss if we are in the midst of

"It's not supposed to happen this way."

We intellectually know that bad things happen,

but to other people, not us,

and certainly not in the world we assumed we were living in.

Your belief system needs to heal and regroup as much as your soul does.

You must start to rebuild a new belief system from the foundation up,

one that has room for the realities of life

and still offers safety and hope for a different life:

a belief system that will ultimately have a beauty of its own

to be discovered with life and loss.

Think of a lifeless forest in which a small plant

pushes its head upward, out of the ruin.

In our grief process, we are moving into life from death,

without denying the devastation that came before.

~ Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler

(On Grief and Grieving : Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss)

"I don't think of him every day. I think of him every hour of every day." 

~ Grieving Father Gregory Peck, in an interview many years after his son's death

The famous psychiatrist Sigmund Freud once thought we could "move on" from our grief, and put our energies into a substitute of some sort… that is, until he lost his own daughter Anna. After that, he realized we Child-Loss parents will never get over the death of our child, as written to his friend in the above quote, recognizing that he himself, a Child-Loss father, would always be "inconsolable."

And, a Grieving Father's loving note 
to his child, now in Heaven...

Pictures and graphics, thanks to the following:

~Saatchi Online Artist Helena Eierzbicki, for acrylic painting of 2013, "Tormented"
~Grief The Unspoken
~I Miss Those Close To Me Who Are Now In Heaven As Beautiful Angels
~Out of the Ashes
~Journey of the Survivor (From Grief to Survival)
~Missing Loved Ones via ~Out of the Ashes
~In Loving Memory via ~WingsOfHopeLivingForward
~Grief The Unspoken
~The Social Butterfly
~Journey of the Survivor (From Grief to Survival)
~I Miss Those Close To Me Who Are Now In Heaven As Beautiful Angels
~Out of the Ashes
~The Far Side of the Rainbow
~The Far Side of the Rainbow
~The Far Side of the Rainbow
~The Far Side of the Rainbow
~The Far Side of the Rainbow
~Grief The Unspoken
~Out of the Ashes

Friday's Faith - A Grieving Father Writes…

Friday's Faith

A Grieving Father Writes…

My Old Friend, Grief

My old friend, grief is back. He comes to visit me once in a while just to remind me that I am still a broken person. Surely there has been much healing since my son died six years ago, and surely I have adjusted to a world without him by now. But the truth is, we never completely heal, we never totally adjust to the loss of a major love. We will be all right, but we will never be the same.

And so my old friend Grief drops in to say hello. Sometimes he enters through the door of my memory. Sometimes he sneaks up on me. I'll hear a certain song, smell a certain fragrance, or look at a certain picture, and I'll remember how it used to be. Sometimes it brings a smile to my face, sometimes a tear.

Some may say that such remembering is not healthy, that we ought not to dwell on thoughts that make us sad. Yet, the opposite is true. Grief revisited is grief acknowledged, and grief confronted is grief resolved.

But if grief is resolved, why do we still feel a deep sense of loss at anniversaries and holidays, and even when we least expect it? Why do we feel a lump in the throat, even six years after the loss? It is because healing does not mean forgetting, and because moving on with life does not mean that we don't take part of the deceased with us.

My old friend Grief doesn't get in the way of my living. He just wants to drop by and chat sometimes. In fact, Grief has taught me, over the years, that if I try to deny the reality of a major loss in my life, I end up having to deny life altogether. He has taught me that although the pain of loss is great, I must confront it and experience it fully or else risk emotional paralysis.

Old Grief has also taught me that I can survive even great losses and that although my world is very different after a major loss, it is still my world and life is worth living. He has taught me that when I am willing to be pruned by the losses that come, I can flourish again in season, not in spite of loss, but because of it.

My old friend, Grief, has taught me that the loss of a loved one does not mean the loss of love, for love is stronger than separation and longer than the permanence of death.

~Adolfo Quezada, from the Tucson, Arizona Daily Star

Picture, thanks to ~Hers To Treasure

Wednesday's Woe - Mother's Day and Father's Day Are Over ~ The Storms Are Just Ahead

Wednesday's Woe

Mother's Day and Father's Day Are Over ~

The Storms Are Just Ahead

Mother's Day and Father's Day are over;

We survived them one by one...

So why are my tears flooding,

Missing you so, my precious one?

Mother's Day and Father's Day are over...

It seems the storms are just ahead.

I just cannot get over

I'll not see you again on this earth ~

Your presence is so absent,

Leaving behind such a horribly vast dearth:

You always were so full of life,

Your presence filled us with such immensity

Such that now that you are gone,

Your loss fills its void with grief's starkest intensity.

How am I to fill it, this void that knows no end?

Your life had such a presence,

Its absence, my heart does harshly rend...

Perhaps the presence of family, surrounding us so dear,

Reminds us of the precious one whose absence leaves us drear...

Is it any wonder we begin to hate the holidays?

The beauty they once held for us, now mocks us in many ways:

The serenity, the love, the joy, now replaced with a mixture of joy and pain,

Despite the sweetest sunshine, our tears pour like stormy rain.

Such is the plight of the child-loss mother

Whose love for one of her lambs goes unrequited,

Leaving a vacuous low atmospheric pressure

Such that a small degree of family sunshine swiftly has ignited

My heart into unwieldy bouts of tempestuous stormy rain.

It seems the pressure builds and builds

Until it overflows the heart's temporary dam

Set up to survive these special days ~

That once they're survived, such pressure becomes a battering ram

To release the heart's pent up floods of pain

Onto this mother's grief-spent world,

The weeks of uncried tears, now unleashed... 

Upon her heart are hurled.

Mother's Day and Father's Day now are over; your mommy has survived ~

But the storms are now upon us; my depths of grief, they have revived.

We miss you precious little one ~ our hearts will never repair;

Each special day without you brings our hearts yet another tear...

Picture, thanks to "In Loving Memory of Johnny S. Clarke's Photos"

Poems - Mother's Day and Father's Day Are Over ~ The Storms Are Just Ahead - Angie Bennett Prince - 6/18/2012

Wednesday's Woe - A Father is Always Seeking His Lost Lamb ~by Tommy Prince

Wednesday's Woe

A Father is Always Seeking His Lost Lamb

~by Tommy Prince

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them? Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' I tell you that in the same way there is more rejoicing in Heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent."

~Luke 15:4-7 NIV (Jesus speaking)

With this upcoming Father's Day, I am asking myself, "What is there to celebrate?"

In the parable, the shepherd leaves the sheep --although he loves them-- to go out and find his lost one. He drops everything to go look for his little lost lamb. And in the parable, he finds the lost sheep, and there is great rejoicing. But there's no rejoicing with this father even though I'm surrounded with other lambs that I love.

As a bereaved father, my heart is always seeking my little lost lamb. Even though there may be great rejoicing in Heaven right now, there's a permanent longing in this father that's always present in my little lost lamb's absence. 

To this day, I cannot celebrate Father's Day with my little lamb lost… I can't be celebrating with the lambs that are present, for emotionally, my heart is always searching for the one who's still absent…

Pictures, thanks to Jesus Daily Pics

Blessed Father's Day! - What is a Father to Do...? / Crying ~Roy Orbison

Blessed Father's Day!

What is a Father to Do...?

"I ought to (qualify) for a helicopter (pilot's) license,

as much as I hovered..." ~Tommy Prince

What is a father supposed to do

When one of his babies is taken away?

For us on earth, it's Satan's major coups

To take away the "light" that makes our day...

A father loves, provides, protects,

Holding and nurturing his baby chick,

Fending off fiends with their fake "loving" pretexts;

When they make their moves, he's quicker than quick!

All about him is wired to love his child ~

What does he do then, when life is threatened,

When by Satan's ruse, his child is beguiled,

Or all evil powers on his child are reckoned?

A father's love first creates his child,

Then all about him is wired to protect;

How then is a child's death e'er reconciled,

When pow'rs greater than his, resist and deflect?

The father's love that first creates his child

Knows there's a Creator greater than he,

A loving God who all evil reconciled,

To save that child for all eternity.

What is a father supposed to do

When one of his babies is taken away?

He first does all he knows to do,

Then entrusts his Father to protect till that Day.

A loving father first represents

Saving love to his child that the Savior presents.

God bless the father who pours out his love,

But must carry Grief's cross till Heav'n Above.

God, please, 'round this father, wrap Your arms,

Assuring his heart, his child is safe from all harms...

*****

And so, Lord, where do I put my hope? My only hope is in you.

~Psalm 39:7

*****

Tommy mentioned the song below to me as I read him this Father's Day poem; he said, "But the (song's) lyrics are wrong." I said, "Well, I'll rewrite the lyrics!" Fortunately, not much needed to be rewritten; only one line needed to be rewritten to make the lyrics more fitting to our reality!

For you don't love me and I'll always be

For you aren't with me, so I'll always be

So imagine, in hearing this song, that after much grieving, you had just dreamed about seeing your child again, and she had reached out and held your hand, and then she had to go...again. Then these lyrics, as rewritten, could well apply to having seen your child, and then crying all over again when she had to leave...

*****

Having some problems uploading this amazing "oldie," so if it fails to show below, please go to http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-EiKPrAOHA to hear Roy Orbison sing, "Crying." Thank you!

Crying

~Roy Orbison, with K. D. Lang

I was all right for a while, I could smile for a while~

But I saw you last night; you held my hand so tight

As you stopped to say, "Hello";

Oh, you wished me well, you couldn't tell

That I've been crying over you, crying over you,

And you said, "So long,"

Left me standing all alone,

Alone and crying, crying, crying, crying:

It's hard to understand, but the touch of your hand

Can start me crying...

I thought that I was over you,

But it's true, so true:

I love you even more than I did before,

But darling, what can I do?

For you aren't with me, so I'll always be

Crying over you, crying over you...

Yes, now you're gone and from this moment on,

I'll be crying, crying, crying, crying

Yeah, crying, crying over you!

Picture - thanks to PhotoBucket

Poem - What is a Father to Do...? - Angie Bennett Prince - 6/18/2011

Video - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c-EiKPrAOHA