Tuesday's Trust - Brokenness

Tuesday's Trust

Brokenness

He called a little child and had him stand among them. And He said, "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.

~Matthew 18:3-4

...Shutting down is not healthful. It keeps us from draining the emotions from our wound.

Pain doesn't disappear because we will it to. Unexpressed pain becomes toxic and inevitably takes its toll. It poisons us like a polluted underground water supply feeding into a spring.

When we rush to get past the tears and get on with our lives we actually short-circuit our healing. There is no quick way to get to the other side of this storm. The only way to the end is through it...

For today, face, with courage and determination, the daunting task of examining all of the broken pieces of your life.

Give full attention to

• your sorrow

• your anger

• your fear

• your disillusionment

• your faltering faith.

Do this, because your job in this rebuilding process is to hand each piece to your Heavenly Father as He asks for them. Then watch in awe as He puts them back together in a new and better pattern of living.

~Raymond R. Mitsch and Lynn Brookside

You can't heal a wound by saying it's not there!

~Jeremiah 6:14 TLB

Raymond R. Mitsch and Lynn Brookside, Grieving the Loss of Someone You Love, pp. 46, 60

Photo: Broken heart (mosaic) thanks to media.photobucket.com

Fine Art: Beauty in Brokenness - thanks to Joyce Geleynse via google.com images

From gate to Gate

From gate to Gate




Of Mommy and Child, oh the times divine,
Short though they were, they were God’s sweet lifeline,
Held tightly at times with this heart of mine,
To cherish each moment, sweet times benign . . .



When you left, I had to plant my garden lush,
With flowers that would stand in a straight line—
Otherwise, my worried mind would not hush . . .
The flowers . . . would obey . . . their bound’ry line.




The days drug on that you were not yet home;
51 days on the streets you would roam,
And then you called—you wanted to come home;
I rushed to get you, praying for shalom . . .



Before you left that day, we’d asked you t’ stay—
I took what was t’ be my last look at you;
We hugged so tight, and yet … you pulled away;
You were nineteen; what else could Mommy do …?




You ran down the steps and out of our gate,

And I

won’t get to see you

till




Heav’n’s Gate . . .

Painting: The Garden at Pontoise by Camille Pissarro, 1877

Poetry prompts line, look, lush from
http://simplysnickers.blogspot.com/2009/07/poetry-prompt-through-sunday-july-12.html


Written 7/5/09 – From gate to Gate – Angie Bennett Prince

Counselor, “Heal Thyself!"

hope …is what keeps me alive

The Lord is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope. 

~Psalm 34:18 CEV 

Counselor, “Heal Thyself!"

 

Light-headed, can’t catch my breath, panic-struck,

Triggered, hypervigilant; now I’m stuck . . .

Hap’ning again – signs of PTSD —

Time for this counselor—“practice what you preach!”

. . . A song . . . “God is moving by His Spirit . . .”

Comes to mind—my “right brain” needs to hear it!

God hovers near; shortly, here come the tears.

Panic is broken . . . and so are my fears.

A simple song from a former church life,

The pastor would sing, soothing each of us . . .

Soothing harried hearts to a quiet hush . . . .  

I “hear” him sing . . . then . . . here comes the knife—

This man of God too, lost his precious child;

My crying heart cannot be reconciled:

So much suffering here—in our lives on earth—

Losing our children – what’s all this pain worth?

It ravages our lives, renders us weak . . .

My son reminds–That’s when we hear God speak!

The Man of Sorrows, acquainted with grief

Ministers to my heart, brings sweet relief . . .

Thank You O God for a way through the pain;

You provide Your light amidst death’s dark bane.

You said, “In this world, you will have trouble.”

(This is so true—I lost my baby girl!)

“But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”

Your Sweet Spirit lifts me from death’s rubble . . . 

 

*PTSD:  Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

**God Is Moving By His Spirit

            God is Moving By His Spirit,

            Moving o’er all the earth,

            Signs and wonders when God moveth,

            Move, O Lord,  in me.

what if i got it wrong, picture originally uploaded by jane.bird.

In memory of Paul Dana Walker, Jr.  1956 - 1980

In memory of Merry Katherine Prince  3/29/1987 - 8/2/2006

Written 5/17/09 – Counselor, “Heal Thyself!” – Angie Bennett Prince

I ASKED FOR BREAD AND GOT A STONE

By Merry Katherine's daddy, Tommy

I ASKED FOR BREAD AND GOT A STONE

"For a parent, having a precious child messing with the drug world is living a life of terror and fear."

For a parent, having a precious child messing with the drug world is living a life of terror and fear. You get to watch your baby girl change for the worst right before your eyes. Deception and lies begin to take the place of sweetness and honesty. The darkness begins to slowly snuff out the brightness of her life and personality. The decisions that she makes are skewed by the draw of pursuing an altered state of consciousness. An authentic and honest conversation with my daughter is no longer possible with the interference of her urge to flee from truth. Engaging in self-destructive activities takes precedence, and is highly admired and encouraged by a totally “new” class of friends.

As a parent, I was constantly preoccupied with “What must I keep doing to protect my child from herself?” My thought-life and physical-life were always in a state of “high alert” to intervene to keep harm from coming her way. Then it came down to the ultimate agonizing decision to save my child by not “enabling” her anymore and tell her she is on her own.

Prior to this, I am thinking and contemplating, “What must I do to break the spell she seems to be under? I am losing my daughter, and I am doing everything in my power to save her, and nothing is having an impact.” A sense of helplessness infiltrates my insides, and anxiety takes over my emotional state.

The not knowing where-she-is or how-she-is-doing is almost more than I can bear. All day everyday, I am praying for her and pleading with God to watch out for her since I cannot anymore.

“Please save my baby, Lord! Watch over her and keep her safe,” I beg.

Day after day, this agonizing goes on, and I struggle with the coldness of my insides in the middle of the summer.

Then one day, my heart leaps with joy as she comes to visit, and everything in me wants to hold her and hug her and never let go.

But I restrain and guard myself lest I get drawn into something she wants that will do her more harm than good. After a little while, she is gone but returns two days later to gather up special things for an ill-advised beach trip.

The next day, a deputy sheriff walks into my backyard while I am mowing. He asks me, “Is there a shady place we can go to talk?” He then struggles to tell me the driver of the S.U.V. my daughter was riding in passed out at the wheel. My nineteen-year-old sweet baby girl was killed somewhere on the side of the road in Alabama . . .

Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?

Matthew 7:9 NIV

Written 5/6/09 - I ASKED FOR BREAD AND GOT A STONE - Tommy C. Prince

Bless the Beasts and the Children

"Life here's not all! ... There's the rub."

Bless the Beasts and the Children

“Play little tiger; play with your mother;
We haven’t much time to stay;
But I know you must miss your big brother,
So take your time now to play.

“Because it’s so safe to play in Beast Park,
You may take your time to roam;
The sky is cloudy; it will soon be dark—
When we get tired, we’ll go home.”

Mother said, “God bless my cub; she’s so young;
Yet she likes to be so bold;
She doesn’t know there’s danger in this world—
She’s the strongest of her fold.”

God smiled tenderly at mother and cub,
“Don’t you know I will take care
Of little cub, whether her paws might stub
Or troubles—the lion’s share
Plague her like ... that one behind that tall shrub?”

Mother jumped up, quivering in alarm,
Grabbing her cub in her grip,
“Why did You say You’d protect from all harm?
I didn’t ask for hardship!”

As the lion ran, God said with concern,
“She must have trials to grow;
Otherwise, she’s too weak for this sojourn—
So some dangers she must know!”

“Her brother was killed; why should I trust You?
You didn’t protect that cub!
We must go home now; I don’t like Your view—
I can take care of my cub!”

“So that’s what scares you,” He tenderly said.
“You trusted me with Big Cub;
It must not have ‘worked’ then—Big Cub is dead.


"Life here's not all! ... There's the rub."


Mother moved close ... then walked away sadly,
She couldn’t risk cub’s life to end badly,
So she left the God of Life,
Walked down Doubting Path of Strife . . .




Bless the beasts and the children,
God bless doubting mommies and daddies too –
When dark storms taunt and threaten,
God, grant us trust to help us hope in You!

Painting by Eugene Delacrois, A Young Tiger Playing with its Mother, 1830
You Tube, The Carpenters, "Bless the Beasts and the Children"

Poem written in response to poetry cues beast, bless, bold, and to the painting of "A Young Tiger Playing with its Mother" by Eugene Delacrois, 1830 as noted on the blog, Simply Snickers: http://simplysnickers.blogspot.com/2009/04/poetry-prompt-through-sunday-april-26.html

Written 4/24/09 - Bless the Beasts and the Children - Angie Bennett Prince

Losing You Before I Lost You

Crystal Tears, originally uploaded by Co®tex™.

Losing You Before I Lost You …

Baby, did you know before you had t’ go…
I was losing you before I lost you?
I bottomed out today; I got so low,
My body crashed before my spirit knew
How badly I hurt, rashly missing you.

I had to watch you disappear before
My very eyes; Satan tangled with you,
Trying to destroy; it hurt me to th’ core.
Th’ day you met mar’juana is th’ day I’d rue.
Oh, how I hurt, drastically missing you!

You couldn’t hear my pleas, tuned out my cries.
The Enemy lured you with his delight;
He destroyed you before my very eyes.
You were so blind, you could not see the light.
And now, baby girl, I’m left missing you!

You abandoned the little girl I knew,
Foll’wing so hard after th’ drug- induced thrill.
A naïve teen, you barely had a clue;
I knew, for you, it’d be a poisonous pill.
Hurting, baby girl, I’m left missing you.

I can’t decide which is worse . . . losing you
Before . . . trying to stop the disaster,
But nothing we tried was getting through t’ you;
You wouldn’t stop, or . . . losing you after . . . .
Either way, we lose; we’re left missing you.

Losing you before—was terrifying—
We knew the implications of your choice
As you chose acts that were death-defying;
But you couldn’t hear . . . like we had no voice.
So we were left, helplessly missing you.

Losing you after—was life-shattering—
You lost your life, and so we too were killed.
Our souls take a beating, our hearts take a battering;
You were killed, so our hearts, ripped-open, spilled.
And now we’re left, lifelessly missing you.

Th’ only hope we have—we’ll see you again;
Satan killed your body; God saved your soul.
God paved a way for you; His saving plan
Made you whole, so we will hold you again!
Till that day, we’re left, sadly missing you.

Written 4/5/2009 - Losing You Before I Lost You - Angie Bennett Prince

Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome and Grief

My brother Rick is in the hospital tonight with pneumonia. Since I was a child, we had to be sure to get him right to the hospital if there was a chance he had pneumonia. You see, my brother is handicapped--he can't walk; he's never been able to walk, so he is in a wheelchair. Being in a wheelchair over all those years, (he is 58), Rick's muscles have gotten weaker and weaker, so contracting pneumonia can be extremely serious when he doesn't have the muscle-power to cough enough to clear his lung congestion.

By this evening after intravenous antibiotics, Rick is doing better, but isn't out of the woods yet (he's still in Intensive Care). He reflected back over the day with my sisters who have been with him since 8:00 this a.m. that he thought for awhile there he really wasn't gonna make it. No wonder my sisters had called me (I'm five hours away), tearful and frightened this morning. Tommy and I prayed intensely for him all day. I'm so thankful God heard and is answering all our prayers!

Having lost my daughter, I find myself getting traumatized when anything bad happens to someone I love. The possibility of losing them has become all-too-real to me. So my body and emotions fast-forward ahead to the worst possibility, and I'm there, fearful and grieving the worst.

Even though I'm a therapist, I forget that Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome can happen right along with grief. When I get triggered (like if one of my sons forgets to call me when going away, and I hit near-panic over the possibilities), knowledge doesn't seem to phase my emotions. Even though I might know intellectually that the odds are great he just forgot to call, my body and emotions are already traumatized, and there's not much I can do to undo them at that point.

Grief can be so complex and complicated. It is almost impossible to help someone else to understand all the intricacies involved with grief where one thing affects another, affects another, and so on. (I can't even understand complicated grief, and I'm living it!) Some days, I can hardly function when the grief has been intense; okay, I'll admit . . . at some level, that pain is always fairly debilitating; for it not to be debilitating is the exception.

That's one reason I'm so glad I can write during this time--doing something productive when just about everything else is "high" on the dysfunctional scale. Thank You, God, for Your creative juices to be flowing through me when I'm out for the count for much else.

But wait, isn't that how You always said it would be? 

"My grace is sufficient for you; for My power is made perfect when your power runs out."  2 Corinthians 12:9a

Move in and through me, Lord; I guess I am primed and ready for Your power to flow!