Posts
My Christmas of 2008
- Two Years Since She's Been Gone...
(The Grief Process Amidst Holiday Pain)
Two days before Christmas . . . why am I so
blue? It’s not th’ massive shopping; I've barely
stepped in a store. So why’s my heart stopping;
why is my heart heavy as lead, like my
husband’s fifty-pound dumbbells are sitting
down on it? I don’t know; I must figure
it out. The festivities are coming
soon; it’s not a time to sit around and
pout. Let me see if I can trace it back . . . .
...I think it started when I was pond’ring
sending my Christmas cards to other moms
and dads who have lost their children, too. There!
That’s it! My heart—already pulverized—
began to bleed some more: other parents
without their kids, going into Christmas
Day, a day full of memories of each
child at their happiest, jolly, bouncing
self, full of their childlike glee—now each is
gone! No wonder my lights are not yet on my
Christmas tree! My husband brought up boxes,
full of Christmas cheer; the first box that we
opened, what did we find? The stocking that
read—in Mommy’s needlepoint—“Merry Katherine,”
daintily edged with lacy white bric-a-brac;
it effectively gave our hearts a smack!
How do you put up decorations when
Your heart is feeling dead? My heart takes up
all my time, just trying to resuscitate
it. Christmas cards come rolling in, intact
with intact fam’ly pictures; (do they not
know our pain? Our picture’s not intact; it
has a giant hole where a giant heart
sat with her mischievous smile.) Each card’s a
reminder, it’s not a happy time. So,
my cards go out, no picture included,
to other parents lost in the hubbub
of the season...paying the dearest cost.
When I write their notes, my heart gets a little
heavier with each one. . . .
Now I am reminded, our Heav’nly Father
lost His Son so all of us could celebrate—
Our hearts are healed in Him; He knows our pain.
Out of love, He paved the way so we won’t
be long apart. Our family will be intact
again, joined with a merry heart, and now
He reminds me, my Merry Katherine will
have one of her merriest Christmases
ever, in Heav’n without a care, and really
it won’t be that long until we all are
There! Meanwhile, we have work to do to lead
others There. So Merry Christmas, Merry Katherine!
With all our many blessings—each family
member’s soul is intact!—I feel like a
millionaire! God, Your Son came down for us,
lived a life of suff’ring so each one in
our fam'ly could wear His family ring!
So, please cheer my heart to spread Your love 'round—
so all those “intact” fam'lies can know Your
love too, so they still will be “intact” fam'lies
when we all go Home to live with You!
