Wednesday's Woe - Who am i?

Wednesday's Woe

Who am i?

Who am i and what will i be

what i was no longer is

who i will be no one knows

But God's in His Heaven, and He holds me.

On that day, life came to a standstill

on that day, the whole world stopped

on that day, my life froze in time

But you're in God's Heaven, peace be still.

3 1/2 years seem like a day

3 1/2 years fly by like a night

3 1/2 years without you here...

But when you speak, time goes away.

What am i to do with my life

Life goes on with or without me

when you left, my life slipped away...

But God lives in me, and He IS my Life.

On that day, life came to a standstill

on that day, the whole world stopped

on that day, my life froze in time

But you're in God's Heaven, "Peace! Be still."

I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life. John 14:6

A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion. The disciples woke Him and said to Him,

"Teacher, don't You care if we drown?"

He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves,

"Peace! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm.

He said to His disciples,

"Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?" Mark 4:37-40

Faith is the evidence of things not seen, the substance of things hoped for. Hebrews 11:1

Since God got my baby to Heaven, He can surely take care of me...

God restored Life to my baby, raised her from the dead;

He'll surely restore Life to me, though my heart feel pulverized, dead.

I will celebrate life today, for my baby's no longer dead!

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the Life. He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies..." John 11:25

"Because I live, you also will live..." ~Jesus, John 14:19

"He is not far from each one of us. For in Him we live and move and have our being." Acts 17:27b-28a ~Paul, about God

Picture: http://wwww.pics.am/

Poem - Who am i? - Angie Bennett Prince - 4/13/10

Tuesday’s Trust - Letter to My Readers

The (story) we sit down to write and the one we end up writing may be very different, just as the Jesus we grasp and the Jesus who grasps us may also differ. ~Madeleine L’Engle

Tuesday’s Trust

I apologize to you my readers. I fully intended to set out some scriptures to you to help you get a better glimpse of God's heart. So I did. I wrote out the scriptures; I even posted them in the early hours of today. But my post seemed lifeless. It appealed to the intellect, to give some sort of answers to many of our questions to God during grief. It talked about His amazing love for us, but I took the post down. Why did I take it down?

My Lord is living; He is alive, dynamic! The words that I wrote, although very true, were taken out of their proper context and thrown before you, to give you “answers” to some very tough questions we grievers often have of God. But THAT is not my experience of how God meets me in the middle of so many of my questions. And therefore, just spitting those “answers” out to you would not be true to my real message; spitting those “answers” out would not be fair to you my reader.

You deserve a better picture of God that is more true to how He presents Himself to me, fully engaging in my life, with His love overflowing, and a tenderness that surpasses all my expectations or what I could ever imagine from Him!

And so, the list of scriptures, although part of God’s Living Word, when set on my blog post, felt empty. They were separated from story, from the story of scripture, and from the story of my life when they ministered to me. So they rang hollow, emptied of the flesh they were poured into, the flesh of my life when I was in the throes of grief – in the throes of a mother’s worst desperation.

When I ask God my questions, He doesn’t give me “answers.”

He gives me Himself, not “answers”!

And He Himself is what satisfies, because when He comes to me, I know He loves me, and I know He loves my child. And how do I know that? Because He shows it; He doesn’t just “tell.” And that, after all, is the real answer to my need.

He owes none of us any explanations, but when we come in humble grieving before Him, He comes to us. He doesn’t have to, but He wants to. He hears our broken hearts, and it breaks His heart…because He loves us. And He attends to our wounds, our misconceptions, our hurt, our confusion, and our dismay.

Sure, I think over time, you may very well read each and every scripture I had posted earlier today. But hopefully, this time, you will hear them in their context: in story, in my story, in this grieving mother’s outcries to her Lord, and you will hear His loving responses—not always “answers,” but guides to get me back on track, of remembering who He really is, not who I, in the throes of grief, have made Him out to be.

Thursday’s Therapy - Grief's Abreaction

Thursday’s Therapy - Grief's Abreaction

Questions a Psychotherapist Asks Herself:

Merry Katherine had severe, fatal injuries to her right arm and her left leg in her crash that killed her on 8/2/2006...

After going through my lifetime with NO broken bones...ever...at all, then suddenly within roughly one year's time, I break FOUR BONES...

My husband injures his right arm, and then re-injures it, all within the past three years...

So, naturally, the psychotherapist within me begins to ask questions of my subconscious mind:

Are we as a loving family re-enacting one another's injuries unconsciously as expressions of "sympathy pain"?

Or, might we subconsciously be trying to work out the devastation wreaked on our systems by having stood helplessly by as our loved one was fatally injured?

Then, I crafted this poem:

Parents Accident-Prone After a Child's Death

or

Grief's Abreaction?

Daddy hurt his left leg, then you hurt yours;

You hurt your right arm, then Mommy hurt hers.

Daddy's hurt his right arm, me? my left leg—

When will this pattern stop? Now, I do beg!

Similar injuries of body parts...

By accident...or agony of hearts?

First it was Mommy's right arm, baby girl—

Broke my shoulder blade, took it from action;

Now, it's my left leg, down steps I would hurl:

Is this what they'd call—"Grief's Abreaction"?

Medical Dictionary:

Abreact – To release (repressed emotions) by acting out, as in words, behavior, or the imagination, the situation causing the conflict.

picture: http://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/suffering.html

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/abreact

Written 9/1/09 - Poem - Parents Accident-Prone After a Child's Death, or Grief's Abreaction? - Angie Bennett Prince

Wednesday’s Woe - Red Rover, Red Rover, My Life Is Over

Wednesday’s Woe

Three Years of Parents' Loss of Child

Red Rover, Red Rover, My Life Is Over

My husband Tommy’s view of life for these past three years of parent-loss…

Red Rover, Red Rover

My life is Over,

I sit watching my dog

Roll over and over.

And, now for my view...

When You Died that Night

When you died that night

My life was shattered.

So between you and I—

Were you the only one

Who really mattered?

Yet, my life goes on

Though broken and tattered…

My body functions

Though my heart be battered;

My emotions pour out

From my heart, they splatter . . . .

Such is the life of a heart that’s been shattered.

Say, how do I function

when my heart’s been shattered?

"If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it,

does it make a sound?"

Is a life really a life

When a heart’s been shattered?

My guess:

Answer to #1 God is always there, and He hears it: therefore it makes a sound.

Answer to #2 God is always there, and He breathes life: therefore Life still exists though the heart’s been shattered.

What is your guess?

Picture: Our dog, "Prissy"

Poem - "Red Rover, Red Rover, My Life is Over" written by Tommy Prince, 2007

Poem - "When You Died that Night" (in pink) written by Angie Bennett Prince 4/6/2008

Post written 9/30/09

“Elvis-Pelvis” Visits Heartbreak Hotel

9/22/09 I fell three and a half weeks ago. I had awakened from a nightmare at 4:45 am on a Saturday morning, and knew I needed to go to the den to read awhile before I would wind down enough to go back to sleep….

In a sleepyheaded stupor, I walked down our pitch-black hall, deciding not to turn on the light so that I wouldn't awaken my husband. Feeling my way along the wall, when I got to the doorframe of what I thought was our den, I turned and stepped in…only to find myself stepping down….

I sleepily wondered to myself,

"I don't remember

a

step

down

into

our

den!"

Then, I felt myself plunging full-speed down onto what I quickly realized were our basement stairs! I "flew" down eight of the fourteen steps, landing on the eighth stair, sitting up….

Unfortunately however,

my "wings" were not wings at all,

but were my ribs and hips!

***************

Three days later, I went for an x-ray and discovered I had two broken bones in my left pelvis! But when I met with the Orthopedic doctor for the second time today for another x-ray, the doctor discovered

I had broken not two bones as we originally had thought, but

all 3 bones in my pelvis

– the ischium, pubic bone, and ilium –

were broken in two!

Or,

as my highly-educated husband Tommy likes to so eloquently say,

"Elvis done broke her pelvis!"

***************

Three weeks ago, the x-rays only showed two breaks; the third break had been camouflaged by some ligament-damage, effectively blocking the view of the 3rd breakage site!

"That's what I consider a major injury!"

my otherwise nonchalant, under-stating orthopedic surgeon declared this morning.

***************

Looking at the x-ray, I noticed the breaks were aligned one on top of the other in a straight line. I later said to my husband,

"I feel like the lady the magician sawed in half!”

My husband affirmed,

“Only you were sawed in half vertically,

not horizontally!"

***************

I am doing physical therapy three times a week, and am healing nicely, but it will take three to four months to completely heal the bones. A walker is still indicated for the next 4 weeks when I will see my doctor again.

Still, no surgery, no cast, and no brace is needed!

The bones will heal themselves!

Physical therapy continues so that I keep my range of motion in play. All should heal back so that I will be back to normal. There are no displacements, my hips are still even, and my legs are still evenly aligned according to the doctor….

Thank You Lord that You heal the bones back with no medical intervention!

What miracles I am watching take place!

What miracles our bodies are!

***************

Question:

I wonder, why is it

broken bones heal back completely,

but when a child dies . . .

our broken hearts never will?

picture: http://www.fotosearch.com/photos-images/suffering_5.html