Wednesday's Woe - The "Take-Away" of the Special Day ~Tommy Prince

Wednesday's Woe

The "Take-Away" of the Special Day

~Tommy Prince

We learned in math, that in subtraction, 

five "take-away" one equals four, 

or 

five minus one equals four, 

or  

"5 - 1 = 4." 

So, 

5 members of a family minus 1 member of the family = a family of 4. 

But in our case of Child-Loss, it feels more like 

5 take away 1 = "Forever Suffering…"

Having come through this weekend of the Father's Day holiday, in which the focus is on a father and his relationship with his children, I notice that no matter how much I try to delight in, or enjoy, the day, I always end up experiencing more of a "take-away" feeling. I cannot seem to "enjoy" the day, as 

the one "take-away" overwhelms the four remainder, 

so that 

the one is "greater than" the four

Or 

"1 > 4" 

in math terminology, which destroys the whole logic of mathematics. That shouldn't be surprising as the whole order of our family has been shattered as well. 

The sense of a "take-away" is heightened on these special days. No matter how much Angie and I try to be "up," the "take-away" brings us back "down." The "take-away" takes away the desire to even want to celebrate these days. Our hearts just won't do it; somehow our hearts want to mourn, not celebrate… We cannot get "up" because something's been "taken away," and our poor hearts and bodies know that all too well!  

On the surface, we can call them "Mother's Day," "Father's Day," or "Birthdays," but our hearts know they are really "Take-Away" days. 

The "take-away" overwhelms everything else. 

The one "take-away" is going to outnumber the four remaining here on this earth no matter the day, no matter the holiday, no matter how much we may try to "move on."

Playing on the titles of these child-story-books on math, it's as if our hearts continually plummet under death's "Action of Subtraction," and are daily longing for God's Ultimate Day when He performs His eternal "Mission of Addition," when our family will be restored to all of its members, and once again, the sum of its parts will be greater than the whole.

Pictures, thanks to Amazon.com 

Friday's Faith - Father's Day or Torture Day??? ~by Tommy Prince

Friday's Faith

Father's Day...

or

Torture Day???

~by Tommy Prince

Why do we have Father's Day?

Evidently, the origin of it was that we were shamed into it...how can we have a Mother's Day without having a Father's Day...

"The first observance of Father's Day is believed to have been held on June 19, 1910 through the efforts of Sonora Smart Dodd of Spokane, Washington. After listening to a church sermon at Spokane's Central Methodist Episcopal Church in 1909 about the newly recognized Mother's Day, Dodd felt strongly that fatherhood needed recognition, as well.

"It took many years to make the holiday official. In spite of support from the YWCA, the YMCA, and churches, Father's Day ran the risk of disappearing from the calendar. Where Mother's Day was met with enthusiasm, Father's Day was often met with laughter. The holiday was gathering attention slowly, but for the wrong reasons. It was the target of much satire, parody and derision, including jokes from the local newspaper Spokesman-Review. Many people saw it as the first step in filling the calendar with mindless promotions.

"A bill to accord national recognition of the holiday was introduced in Congress in 1913. In 1916, President Woodrow Wilson went to Spokane to speak in a Father's Day celebration and wanted to make it official, but Congress resisted, fearing that it would become commercialized..."

~Wikipedia

******

Fathers Day. Four years into my grief, it is still too dangerous to set aside a day like that. Just look at birthdays and Christmas (usually wonderful family events) - Now it is

"Look at what you DON'T have!"

overwhelms me to the point that I cannot focus on

"Look at what you DO have!"

Father's Day, or Torture Day? For me right now, this early into my grief, it feels more like Torture Day, or

"Look at What You CAN'T Have" Day...

Intellectually, I can rationalize I am grateful for the two sons I have, which I certainly am!

But the emotional devastation wins out over any rational negotiations I can have with myself...EVERY TIME.

So, I'm tempted to do like we did for birthdays and Christmas over this past year... not even to have the holiday at all in order to minimize the turmoil. After all, this is a man-made holiday...politically correct: "If we're gonna recognize mothers, we've gotta recognize fathers."

But again, it's look what you don't have that overwhelms me -

Look who's NOT here.

There are also painful triggers of this particular time of the summer with her before she was taken in August that complicate this time of the year. An added reason not to celebrate... (see Angie's post on Monday of this week, "The Subconscious Remembers...").

So, like Bart Simpson says, I try and try to tell myself,

I will not ruin Father's Day.

I will not ruin Father's Day.

I will not ruin Father's Day...

but wait a minute, isn't this supposed to be Father's Day...can't the father say, "This is really what I need..." Only things with meaning. And the meaning of Father's Day for me is totally different from what it used to be...

As Dr. Lynda Boucugnani-Whitehead, (Psychologist and Grieving Mother) said in describing us Child-Loss Parents in our Grief (see yesterday's post),

"You are less afraid of change, you are less tolerant of ... doing things that don't have meaning for you anymore and you put your energy toward the things that are truly meaningful in this world."

For Father's Day, I would change that quote just a bit, to say

I am less tolerant of doing things that NOW don't have THE SAME meaning for me anymore...so I want our family to put our energy toward the things that are truly meaningful in this world...NOT what MAN says SHOULD BE meaningful!

Now, if I can just figure out what that is...

http://www.magickalgraphics.com/fathers-day-comments6.htm

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Father's_Day