Friday's Faith - A Day in the Life of Grief

Friday's Faith

A Day in the Life of Grief

or

Whoever said,

"God's in His Heaven; all's right with the world"?

I'm depressed today... I don't know why.

The day is pretty, no cloud in the sky.

Toad frog squats patiently, so still on th' rail.

Gnatcatchers zoom by; how quickly they sail.

Flowers are blooming... Racoon's in the yard!

I am still breathing... Why is grief so hard?

My dog is playful. My husband is sweet.

Tearing up, I feel lost and incomplete.

"God's in His Heaven. All's right with the world?"

If this is so, where is my baby girl?

...She smiles and says, "I'm right here, Mommy!"

My tears fall. I get a hug from Tommy.

I hug him back. I smile at her, wipe tears...

Again God's soothing faithfully appears.

When my depression begins to shift...

I feel God's comfort, and my sadness lift.

Such is a day in the life of grief:

You think you will die. Then God sends relief.

God, bless all mommies and daddies in our grief!

Now Tommy calls out, "The hawk chased the dove!"

Life...then death... Nature plays it out above...

Paradox of Nature: Death mixed in with Life...

till God returns from Heaven, t' end all darkness rife

when He commands:

"Death, be destroyed by Life!"

*******

(Now th' raccoon eats from our dog's feeder:

Th' raccoon posing as a dog, what a sight!

Th' brazenness of nature...in broad daylight!)

******

In solitary silence we listen with great attentiveness to the voice that calls us the beloved. God speaks to the deepest strata of our souls, into our self-hatred and shame, our narcissism, and takes us through the night into the daylight of His truth:

"Do not be afraid, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name, you are Mine. You are precious in My eyes, because you are honored and I love you . . . the mountains may depart, the hills be shaken, but My love for you will never leave you and My covenant of peace with you will never be shaken" (Isaiah 43:1,4; 54:10).

~Brennan Manning, Abba's Child: The Cry of the Heart for Intimate Belonging

picture: http://www.fotosearch.com/bu/CSP053/k0533900/

"God's in His heaven" quote, Robert Browning (1812-1889)

Wednesday's Woe - Spring...Midst Death's Demise

Wednesday's Woe

Spring...Midst Death's Demise

Redbuds, Daffodils, and Tulips are out,

Bradford Pears and Cherry trees are blooming,

Iris, Hibiscus, and Camellia out,

Almond Tree, Dogwoods, Lenten Rose pluming!

"31st Anniversary!" I shout!

"Still in love, my how the years are zooming!"

Nature springs alive with beauty, no doubt...

For my sons in their prime, life is booming!

My baby's in Heaven, flying about~

God's in His Heaven; my soul He's grooming...

So why in this Beauty, does my heart pout...

Though life's good, parts of me are e'er gloomy?

Some parts of my life have veered off the route–

My soul's at peace, but loss is e'er looming...

God, hold Your child as she cries her eyes out!

O'erwhelm my heart with Your peace and soothe me...

Thank You, though Your ways are past finding out,

Midst death's demise, You cause New Life to sprout!

Poem - Spring...Midst Death's Demise - 4/7/10 - Angie Bennett Prince

Monday's Mourning Ministry - Que Sara, Sara / Now What?

Monday's Mourning Ministry

Que Sara, Sara

Now What?

I look out into my vast, wide future.

I cannot ascertain what it will hold.

This hole in my heart won't stitch up by suture.

What repercussions from trauma unfold?

Then I thought of this childhood song,

My mother once sang to me...

When I was just a little girl,

I asked my mother, "What will I be?

Will I be pretty? Will I be rich?"

Here's what she said to me:

"Que sera, sera,

What ever will be, will be.

The future's not ours to see.

Que sera, sera.

What will be, will be.'"

When I grew up and fell in love,

I asked my sweetheart,

"What lies ahead?"

Will we have rainbows, day after day?"

Here's what my sweetheart said:

"Que sera, sera,

What ever will be, will be.

The future's not ours to see.

Que sera, sera.

What will be, will be."

Now I have children of my own

They ask their mommy, "What will I be?

Will I be handsome, will I be rich?"

I tell them tenderly,

"Que sera, sera,

Whatever will be, will be.

The future's not ours to see,

Que sera, sera,

What will be, will be.

Que sera, sera!"

{Then I add verses of my own

Addressing my Father upon His throne,}

Now that I've lost this child of my own,

I asked my Father, "What will come of me?

Will I be heartsick, day after day?"

Here's what He said to me,

"Que sera, sera.

Whatever will be, will be.

The future's not yours to see,

Que sera sera,

Put your trust in Me!

"Que sera sera,

Put your trust in Me!

"I too have lost a Child of My Own:

He asked Me, 'Father, must I die for Thee?

Yet not My will but, Thine be done.'

Likewise, I ask of thee,

"Que sera, sera.

Whatever will be, will be.

The future's not yours to see,

Que sera sera,

Will you follow Me?

"Que sera, sera.

Lose your life. Follow Me.

"Que sera, sera.

Take thy cross. Follow Me."

Que Sara, Sara

by Doris Day

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xZbKHDPPrrc

Tuesday's Trust - Tsunami of Tears ~ Fighting Grief's Storms

Tuesday's Trust

Tsunami of Tears

~

Fighting Grief's Storms

Soon to approach three-and-three-quarters-years...

Was today the first day I shed no tears?

At th' same time I feel you're more and more near...

{I could not bear it if your spirit weren't here!}

(There IS a cloud of witnesses~(about that) God's clear!)

Perhaps new normal's beginning t' appear...

But now...I remember...your birthday's near...

Grief's tsunami of tears to come, I fear...

(I remind myself:)

Little lamb lost? You are lost no more!

Our Savior warned and wooed and drew you in.

He had already died to settle the score,

washing you in His Lamb's blood, cleansed from sin.

"This child of mine was dead and is alive again!

She was lost but has now been found!"

The angels rejoice with a joyful sound!

This mother's heart's seared, yet warmed within:

You left my gate--God opened His--welcomed you in.

But even though you now bask in God's arms,

You fly to me when tears sound their alarms!

{I cry now, thinking of your tenderness to me

(when) you attend my heart with sweet sensitivity...}

My tears melt as your presence my heart warms,

~God's wondrous provision to fight Grief's storms...

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

~Hebrews 12:1

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

The son said to him, "Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer worthy to be called your son."

But the father said to his servants,

"Quick! Bring the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf and kill it. Let's have a feast and celebrate.

"For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is found."

So they began to celebrate.

~Jesus, describing the Heavenly Father's love for His children, wandering though we may have been... ~Luke 15:20-24

Poem - Tsunami of Tears~Fighting Grief's Storms - Angie Bennett Prince 2/28/10

Monday’s Mourning Ministry — If You Want Me To

Monday’s Mourning Ministry

If You Want Me To

Contrast of Worlds—Confusing

To think of her, I’m so confused O God.

When she was here, she was so unhappy,

Driven to a lifestyle that enslaved her,

Leaving her with decisions made rashly.

And I…so scared, so worried about her,

One day close to her, the next far away—

Yet always, a wall of lies between us

Kept our mommy-daughter closeness at bay.

And then…one rash decision too many,

Determined was she t’ go t’ the beach with friends…

One smoked marijuana with meds that morn,

Then drove ‘nd crashed to bring her ‘nd two friends t’ their ends.

But then, last night I saw pictures of her,

Sweet pictures I had never seen before...

A couple of years before death—happy—

Like she was back; it shook me to the core.

Why Lord, could she not be back here happy

Like I know she is now, but there with You—

It’s so confusing to know—she’s at peace

When Mommy’s left behind, feeling so blue.

Our contrast of worlds is so confusing.

My whole life was aimed at getting her peace,

And now she has it—I can’t be with her—

How does a mommy deal with life’s caprice?

Is this a demonstration of where I

Must decrease for my child, You must increase,*

Knowing she was in such misery here—

Accepting You attained her sweet release?

Our contrast of worlds is so confusing.

Perhaps You too could bring her mommy peace

To trust You worked out for her what was best,

‘nd trust You’ll work through grief t’ bring me sweet release…

*He must increase, but I must decrease.

John 3:30 KJV

***

One of Merry Katherine’s favorite songs that spoke to her heart speaks to me as well…

If You Want Me To

by Ginny Owens

***

…I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through,

And I will go through the valley if You want me to…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtNzOpKvPfw

KJV – King James Version of The Holy Bible

Poem – Contrast of Worlds—Confusing – Written 10/17/09 Angie Bennett Prince