Friday's Faith - Another Pounding...

"Sometimes in the waves of change we find our true direction."

~unknown

Friday's Faith

Another Pounding...

Tommy and I have been thrown some curves of life lately that have thrown me almost completely off course. Child-loss itself presents a crisis of faith, and as a precious grieving mother recently said to me, it's almost as if we then feel that surely now, we would have a "free pass" --- no more tragedies, no more crises of faith --- as we've already been through the worst that life could offer! 

But alas, there is no free pass. More potentially tragic situations arise, ready or not. It has been a daily, really moment-to-moment, struggle for me over these past two months. God has faithfully met me every step of the way with His incredible sweetness, but for weeks, the darkness itself would not seem to lift for long. But everyday, there were tears before the Lord, and His presence brought very sweet relief with constant reminders of who He really is. But the darkness lingered…

Last night, God provided a breakthrough. Through the noise of this world's constant message that we should be making constant progress through our pain, God sent a quiet but life-changing message that had the effect of a hurtling meteor shattering the morass of my darkness with the stark reminder of the life to which He has really called us. 

Our Heavenly Father's eye is always on the eternal view, while our eye is often stuck in our own short-term struggles. We feel dropped, while He is not stumped at all, knowing exactly what He is accomplishing in our hearts and souls amidst our painful struggle.

We are not called to a life of constant progress from an earthly viewpoint, rather it is to a constant walk of faith, with no sense of our own control over anything. But that does not mean our Heavenly Father is not constantly aware of what is going on, of what challenges we have been thrown, and of what He wants to do in us amidst those challenges…

~~~~~

      7But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves; 8we are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; 9persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; 10always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. 11For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. 12So death works in us, but life in you.

      13But having the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I BELIEVED, THEREFORE I SPOKE,” we also believe, therefore we also speak, 14knowing that He who raised the Lord Jesus will raise us also with Jesus and will present us with you. 15For all things are for your sakes, so that the grace which is spreading to more and more people may cause the giving of thanks to abound to the glory of God.

      16Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day. 17For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison, 18while we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen; for the things which are seen are temporal, but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Picture, thanks to Marilynn Mitchelle via ~Pinterest

Wednesday's Woe - "A Missing": Living with the Permanent Gap ~Tommy and Angie Prince

"You think that their 
dying is the worst 
thing that could happen.

Then they stay dead.

~Donald Hall, poet, from "Distressed Haiku"

Wednesday's Woe

"A Missing": Living with the Permanent Gap

~Tommy and Angie Prince

We have mentioned before the impact on parents of losing a child is so strong and so wrong that it would be like a law of physics being altered, and then trying to continue to live with that law of physics no longer being true. For example, what would happen if the gravitational pull on earth were to change, how would we then live? What if the availability of oxygen in the atmosphere were suddenly to change, would we be so shocked that everybody's lives would be turned upside down? Welcome to the world of a parent losing a child.

There is an ever-present sense of a gap in my life. There is this whole sense of wrongness that I carry around with my sadness. Now, continue to live, and I feel like I am up against something as strong as a violation of a natural law. How do you live when a natural law has been violated?

What drives Angie to look at artwork during any available free time? For now, she says that is one of the few things that soothes her. She also wonders if it is another way to "find" her baby girl for she finds herself looking for artwork that captures Merry Katherine, or for pictures that could at least pass for Merry Katherine at any and all ages, from baby to young child, and so on up to age nineteen. Or at least pictures that represent the vibrant lifestyle that was unique to her while she was here on this earth.

There is "A Missing" that is ever present and that demands to be soothed. It is an active, living thing that seeks to be fed, if not on a daily basis, at least on an every-other day basis. 

There is something that is so wrong that has happened. How do we right that wrong? 

It's like everybody else gets to live on earth and flourish in the current laws of nature and physics, but a bereaved parent has been moved onto the moon where all the oxygen has been sucked out of the atmosphere. The gravitational pull is non-existent; it alters everything about how you live. You cannot go out unless you are in a self-contained spacesuit. The liveable temperature, the oxygen, the gravitational pull are all missing. 

Such an environment demands change, and no one would fault the person who makes those changes. They wouldn't accuse such a person of "not moving on." 

It is not that there's a "new normal" for a grieving parent; it is a "new reality"! It is as though the laws of physics and nature no longer apply. We are upside down in an uprighted world, and we find we cannot breathe. Our hearts are not at rest without a soothing and gentle atmosphere that allows time for our grief. What is important to everyone else is not important to us. Our hearts now take first-place, no matter what else is going on. Our hearts have been devastated, and they must be soothed, nurtured, and protected.

There is a total reconstruction of reality with which we must contend. And we are still trying to find out:

What are the laws of  this Child-Loss land? 

What should they be so that we can survive in this now-ravaged land?

"My grief lies all within,

And these external manners of lament 

Are merely shadows to the unseen grief

That swells with silence in the tortured soul."

~William Shakespeare

Picture of Donald Hall's excerpt from "Distressed Haiku" and Excerpt from William Shakespeare: thanks to ~M for the Survivors on Pinterest