Saturday's Sayings - Progress in the Healing Journey… - Part Nine

Until you're broken,
You don't know
what you're made of.

via ~Death of a Loved One/Facebook*

Saturday's Sayings

Progress in the Healing Journey…

Part Nine

"He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man."

~Antone de Saint-Exupery

~~~

"Amidst our Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, when you think about it, we have been assaulted emotionally, physically, and spiritually! We never really 'heal' from Child-Loss Grief and Trauma, but we're always in recovery. 

"We can be in a process of healing, but healing will not completely happen this side of Heaven."

~Angie and Tommy Prince
Mother Grieving Loss of Child blog

~~~

"The case of a parent losing a child is very special because the most deep-seated protective and nurturant emotions are brutalized. Because this “injury” is so severe to such primitive emotional processes, the grieving parent is likely to feel and express the pain associated with it for the rest of his or her life."

~Dr Joanne Cacciatore

~~~~~

If indeed there are "stages" to our Child-Loss Grief, then this may be the best list:

THE SIX STAGES OF GRIEF

1. Sadness

2. Overwhelming Sadness

3. Incomprehensible Sadness

4. Crippling Sadness

5. Misery and Despair

6. Acceptance of Your Never-Ending Sadness

via ~Wings of Hope-Living Forward

~~~~~

My emotions are too much to bear

I'm blinded and can't imagine the ones who care

It starts with a memory, then the sadness creeps inside

I debate whether to tell anyone; I have too much pride

I have soo many friends and family but feel so alone

However though, I don't want any visitors in my home, 

putting on a front so no one can see the sad unhappy lonely me

Feels like a fight; beating the ever life within me

Flashbacks of my Loved one haunt me every night

It's like it's happening all over again and I don't like the sight

having a battle in my mind and I'm losing the war

My tears stream down my face as I lie on the floor

I'm usually a very happy person and can brighten anybody's day

But when it comes to my painful grieving, it doesn't work my way

via ~Death of a Loved One/Facebook* 

~~~~~

"To overcome Grief
One has to fully surrender to the process."

via ~Death of a Loved One/Facebook*

~~~~~

Please do not tell me how I should be

You really don't know what is happening to me.

You may feel exhausted by my grieving so hard

Doesn't make you an expert to drill me with no regard

I'm doing my best to overcome my grief

Living in this hell daily; I wish it was brief!

If you don't like what you see just turn around

I don't have a light switch to shut it down.

I know I can overcome this in time you will see

for this grieving process to be ceased

So Understand my dilemma or don't say a word

Either/or, crying and sadness needs to occur.

via ~Death of a Loved One/Facebook*

~~~~~

You never stop loving 

someone

You just learn to live

without them.

via ~Remembering Loved Ones/Facebook* 

~~~~~

I will always be near,

although you cannot see me.

~Unknown author

via ~Death of a Loved One/Facebook*

~~~~~

Grief was never meant to keep us sad or (too) lean

but how does one come out of it when people are so mean.

When someone you love deeply is not living anymore,

The feelings are great, beyond words can (implore).

It knocks a strong man to his knees begging and (pleading),

Makes our Faith be questioned, searching for meaning.

It's an unexplainable jolt, a pain that devours our sanity,

Keeps us wondering if we can save our own family.

All I have mentioned is part of the Journey;

You can't rush grieving, there's no such remedy.

Days become months, then Years soon to follow;

Whatever it takes, Don't let (any)one make you shallow.

via ~Death of a Loved One/Facebook*

~~~~~

My Loved one has gone and the pain is so deep.

It's like living on auto pilot with a triggered weep.

So many scenes and reflections run through my mind

A Happy Strong Family we all were; once upon a time

Does God know my devotional faith has shook?

I can't go on pretending or open His good book

I feel so betrayed from all that has happened to us.

People say it's part of a master plan. "We need to trust"

"God has his reasons and one day you'll find"

"Why your precious Loved one had to die"

I replied, "Spare me your religion and repetitive speech"

"There's nothing left from me; My faith has breached"

Total disappointments, my mind left with conscious reality

Crying hard not knowing it's getting the best of my sanity.

Only time can make me come back to understand

For now I'm living in this torture with no future plans.

via ~Death of a Loved One/Facebook* 

Our faith has been "breached" at some level by our child's death. God is real, but there are some myths somewhere along the way that we have swallowed, and now we must sort out myth from truth. Even those of us who have been blessed with a depth of knowledge in Scripture and a long walk with God Himself, have unwittingly swallowed some of the "cliches, smug sanctities, cheap slogans…" running rampant in today's religiosity that ultimately "woo falsely or promise glibly," and now it is incumbent upon us to separate out the chaff from the wheat of our Faith.

~Angie Bennett Prince

(phrases in quotes, by Jerry Sittser)

~~~~~

via ~Death of a Loved One/Facebook

In our western culture, we tend to forget the value that Jesus, God's own Son showed for the children around Him. When we think about our little ones being so vulnerable before they were killed, perhaps it can help us to realize that Jesus spoke many parables about the importance of the Shepherd seeking out His sheep, never leaving one behind but doing whatever it would take to go and find them and rescue them for Himself... 

When His own disciples tried to shun the little children away from One so important as Jesus, Jesus reprimanded them saying, 

"Suffer the little children to come unto Me and forbid them not, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven."

~Matthew 19:14 

~Angie Bennett Prince
Mother Grieving Loss of Child blog

~~~~~

"He who has gone, so we but

cherish his memory, abides

with us, more potent,

nay, more present

than the living man."

~Antone de Saint-Exupery

~Out of the Ashes/Facebook*

Bodies may have boundaries but spirits have none. Why shouldn't we feel the potent, abiding presence of our beloved child when we are at our most vulnerable, and therefore open in our spirit? Newest psychological research recognizes one of the most invaluable aspects of a Child-Loss parent's grief process is that of establishing a bond with our deceased child, and this ongoing bond is vital in enabling us to Progress in our Healing Journey.

~Angie Bennett Prince

Picture, "Broken" thanks to ~Death of a Loved one

*Death of a Loved One/Facebook

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Death-of-a-Loved-one-Quotes-Poems-and-Resources/310515538965543?sk=info

*Remembering Loved Ones/Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/pages/Remembering-Loved-Ones/338742372882107

*Out of the Ashes/Facebook

https://www.facebook.com/outoftheasheswerise7

Saturday's Sayings - Love is Eternal

Saturday's Sayings

Love is Eternal

LOVE NEVER DISAPPEARS 

Love never disappears for death is a non-event. 

I have merely retired to the room next door. 

You and I are the same; what we were for each other, we still are.

Speak to me as you always have. 

Do not use a different tone, do not be sad. 

Continue to laugh at what made us laugh. 

Smile and think of me. 

Life means what it has always meant. 

The link is not severed. 

Why should I be out of your soul if I am out of your sight? 

I will wait for you; I am not here, but just on the other side of this path. 

You see, all is well. 

~ St. Augustine

~via Grieving Mothers

~~~

You know, I sat up night after night with my child, carried him a (sic) many miles. Took him for his shots and school was his favorite place where he met friends. I went to meetings, even faced up against the DCS and COG home for children to get him home from a camp ...[I ] put him in ...and to come home and, paid his ticket fines and cell phone bills, and took him shopping for clothes because a friend stole his clothes…bought another cell phone, because a friend stepped on it. 

It was more than being a mother, more than being his friend, and grandmother to his child…or children. It was part of my heart and soul. I brought him up in church and taught him well. We don't choose what our children do, we are just there for them. 

I gave up millions to BE there and then, He's Gone …and I am at loss of everything that I invested my life in. Want to scream his name, but he doesn't answer …so I pray that God gets a message to him, telling him, I loved him with all my heart and soul and mind and am sorry for not being there in the end.

~via S.F., Grieving Mother

~picture, via K.G., Grieving Mother

~~~

I have not turned my back on you
So there is no need to cry.
I'm watching you from heaven
Just beyond the morning sky. 

I've seen you almost fall apart
When you could barely stand.
I asked an angel to comfort you
And watched her take your hand.  

She told me you are in more pain
Than I could ever be.
She wiped her eyes and swallowed hard
Then gave your hand to me.  

Although you may not feel my touch
Or see me by your side.
I've whispered that I love you
While I wiped each tear you cried. 

So please try not to ache for me
We'll meet again one day.
Beyond the dark and stormy sky
A rainbow lights the way. 

~via Grieving Mothers

~~~~~

'The Ache Never Goes Away'

Grieving husband and father, Joe Biden, speaks to grieving parents and spouses of the fallen soldiers...

Vice President Joe Biden in a moving and emotional speech to the families of fallen troops recounted the dark painful days following the tragic deaths of his wife and daughter and talked about thoughts of suicide. 

Visit msnbc.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

If you have trouble viewing the video here, please cut and paste the following address into your address bar and hit enter:

http://video.msnbc.msn.com/nightly-news/47569634

~~~

Look for me in Rainbows

Time for me to go now, I won't say goodbye; 

Look for me in rainbows, way up in the sky. 

In the morning sunrise when all the world is new, 

Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you. 

Time for me to leave you, I won't say goodbye; 

Look for me in rainbows, high up in the sky. 

In the evening sunset, when all the world is through, 

Just look for me and love me, and I'll be close to you. 

It won't be forever, the day will come and then 

My loving arms will hold you, when we meet again. 

Time for us to part now, we won't say goodbye; 

Look for me in rainbows, shining in the sky. 

Every waking moment, and all your whole life through 

Just look for me and love me, as you know I loved you. 

Just wish me to be near you, 

And I'll be there with you.

~Via J.C., Grieving Mother

~~~

~via V.W.D., Grieving Mother

~~~

When all was quiet 

And we were sad 

Thinking of the 

Times we'd had 

A butterfly 

Then came to us 

Flew around 

Without a rush 

Showed us how 

He'd been set free 

Drifting off 

Where we can't see 

Helped us know 

He's on his way 

We'll treasure this 

Each passing day. 

~Sharon Kortas 

~via Grieving Mothers

~~~

~thanks to J.C., Grieving Mother

~~~

~via J.C., Grieving Mother

Thanks for all Grieving Parents who share such wonderful thoughts, sayings, and pictures...

Monday's Mourning Ministry - When I See You Again ~Emerson Drive + Worldwide Candle Lighting

Sunday, December 11, 2011, 7:00 p.m.

The Compassionate Friends, USA

Worldwide Candle Lighting

https://www.facebook.com/events/167233350026630/

http://www.compassionatefriends.org/News_Events/Special-Events/Worldwide_Candle_Lighting.aspx

*****

Monday's Mourning Ministry

When I See You Again

~Emerson Drive

When I See You Again

~Emerson Drive

I still talk to you

Whenever I'm alone

I hear you in my prayers

Feel you in the wind that blows.

I wonder how you are,

What you're doing way up there.

Are you laughing or are you crying

'Cause you miss us all down here?

Only God knows when

You'll smile and take my hand

When I see you again

When I see you again.

I wish I had the chance

To hold you one last time

It hurts me to know we never got to say goodbye.

But you're never really gone

Your memory remains

I miss you more than words could ever help me to explain.

Only God knows when

This road I'm on will end

When I see you again.

I'll see you when the set runs out

When the song is over and the curtain falls down

I'll see you on the other side

You can show me what it's like.

But only God knows when

You'll smile and take my hand

I'll say how've you been

When I see you again

I'll see you again…

Video: http://youtu.be/UYqBUm_KTuM

Friday's Faith- My Bond with My Child Continues... Deepens Even

Merry Katherine and me, Thanksgiving, 2005

Friday's Faith

My Bond with My Child Continues... Deepens Even

I dreamed about my baby this morning ~ literally ~ she was once again a tiny baby, so tiny. In my dream, she was even nursing! It was so real and so sweet. All the sweet feelings from those many years ago ~ twenty-three years ago to be exact ~ came flooding back to me in my dream. So nurturing to my grief-torn soul!

Old View: In Grief, you work to break bonds with your deceased child, and move on.

New View: In Grief, you work to develop a new relationship with your deceased child.

In Healing After Loss, Martha Whitmore Hickman who lost her child in a fall from a horse on their family vacation to the Colorado mountains, says this:

(In Grief)

"as we tread the hallowed ground again and again," when we "hit a danger zone" (w)e will be able to feel the spray on our face without a fear of drowning, even to savor the taste of the salt on our lips because, in addition to the poignancy of loss come the rush of love for the one we have lost and perhaps a sense that

"in the mystery of the universe, we still inhabit that universe together and are tied together in a love that cannot come untied."

~Martha Whitmore Hickman

And so, I ask,

What can we anticipate for this life, this life on earth, before we reach Heaven to be forever with our child?

"What is essential does not die but clarifies."

~Thornton Wilder

"We will find our way through this particular 'valley of the shadow,' and while there may always be a tinge of sadness, there will come a sense of our own inner strength and ability to rejoice in the life we have shared, and

"to look forward to a future in which the loved one, though not physically present, continues to bless us."

~Martha Whitmore Hickman

*****

If we question this notion that our child (who knows and loves our Lord), is still alive in spirit and can "be" with us in a new way, just think about our Lord...

He too walked among us on earth in a physical capacity, one in which the forgiven harlot was able to wash His feet with her tears, dry them with her hair, kiss them, then pour her most treasured perfume on His feet to express her deepest love.

He was body; He was here physically; we (as humans during that time) could touch Him, smell Him, walk with Him, talk with Him, be held by Him, eat with Him, pray beside Him, anoint His head with oil, wash His feet with our tears, our kisses, and our perfume, and commune with Him.

Frank Viola, an author who reawakens us to this Jesus as He exposes us to the corruptions that have slipped into our churches today, corruptions which effectively blind us to the dynamic, vital, Living Lord. He shares that

"Luke authored a two-volume work known as Luke-Acts. The first volume, the Gospel of Luke, narrates the story of Jesus in the days of His flesh.... The second volume, the Acts of the Apostles, narrates the story of Jesus – now in the Spirit working through (us) His Body."

~Frank Viola

Is it hard then to imagine that our same God who created us "in His image" can allow the same created child we nursed and diapered and fed and raised and taught and held and communicated with – that when she died (and yet our Lord said she still lives even though she died!), she could in some way be present to love, to cherish, to still, in some spirit-way, commune with us?

*Jesus said..."I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies." ~John 11:26

We loved her when she was a baby and bonded to a depth no one but a parent would understand, though she could not yet utter a word to us!

Even then, though she was just a little baby, we could see her distinct personality blossoming before us -- unique and distinct from any other child who came before her.

The bond started at some level in utero when I couldn't see my child but could pat her through my own body and talk to her.

She was extremely active even then! She was ever kicking and moving, continually reminding me of her precious presence even as I went through my busy days.

Then the day she was born, and I could see her, brought another dimension to our bond, a deepening of the tender bond ~ instantly!

And on and on through each new development of her life ~ when she could sit up, when she could crawl, when she could walk, when she could talk – on and on.

Is it hard then to imagine that when my child transformed from body into pure spirit that our bond continues ~ deepens even?

Our bond seems to deepen because the old sin nature that once alienated is NO LONGER THERE ~ here is our child – still our child – but with all her sins washed away – her sweet spirit purified, released from the torment of sin and its effects, released from any form of deception ~ she is pure ~ she is the whole, sweet Merry Katherine washed clean, free to be who she was truly designed to be, though Mommy still has her finite mind and cannot see clearly.

Now we see but a poor reflection; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

~I Corinthians 13:12

I can still feel her, sense her, even "see" her through my "mind's eye" just as I did this morning as I was talking to Tommy about her, and then I heard her "speak" to me, "Hey Mama!" and tears immediately came to my eyes.

My baby whom I grieve every day is here with me, and even though our communing spirit-to-spirit may be brief due to my finite understanding, it is intimate~the bond is there~the sweetness is there~the connection is real, and it is sweeter than the finest honey to my soul! :)

That is why scripture says,

Grieve~but not as one who has no hope...

~I Thessalonians 4:13*

* I Thessalonians 4:13, as interpreted by the author of Good Grief: A Faith Based Guide to Understanding and Healing,Granger E. Westberg.

{According to Amazon.com, "The late Granger E. Westberg held a joint professorship in medicine and religion at the University of Chicago and a professorship in preventive medicine at the University of Illinois College of Medicine. Considered a pioneer in the interrelationship of religion and medicine, and in holistic health care."}

Healing After Loss ~Martha Whitmore Hickman (2002) Martha also wrote the very inspired book, I Will Not Leave You Desolate (1982).

The Untold Story ~Frank Viola

Picture of Merry Katherine and me ~taken by my brother, Rick Bennett