Monday’s Mourning Ministry — If You Want Me To

Monday’s Mourning Ministry

If You Want Me To

Contrast of Worlds—Confusing

To think of her, I’m so confused O God.

When she was here, she was so unhappy,

Driven to a lifestyle that enslaved her,

Leaving her with decisions made rashly.

And I…so scared, so worried about her,

One day close to her, the next far away—

Yet always, a wall of lies between us

Kept our mommy-daughter closeness at bay.

And then…one rash decision too many,

Determined was she t’ go t’ the beach with friends…

One smoked marijuana with meds that morn,

Then drove ‘nd crashed to bring her ‘nd two friends t’ their ends.

But then, last night I saw pictures of her,

Sweet pictures I had never seen before...

A couple of years before death—happy—

Like she was back; it shook me to the core.

Why Lord, could she not be back here happy

Like I know she is now, but there with You—

It’s so confusing to know—she’s at peace

When Mommy’s left behind, feeling so blue.

Our contrast of worlds is so confusing.

My whole life was aimed at getting her peace,

And now she has it—I can’t be with her—

How does a mommy deal with life’s caprice?

Is this a demonstration of where I

Must decrease for my child, You must increase,*

Knowing she was in such misery here—

Accepting You attained her sweet release?

Our contrast of worlds is so confusing.

Perhaps You too could bring her mommy peace

To trust You worked out for her what was best,

‘nd trust You’ll work through grief t’ bring me sweet release…

*He must increase, but I must decrease.

John 3:30 KJV

***

One of Merry Katherine’s favorite songs that spoke to her heart speaks to me as well…

If You Want Me To

by Ginny Owens

***

…I’ll remember the suffering Your love put You through,

And I will go through the valley if You want me to…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QtNzOpKvPfw

KJV – King James Version of The Holy Bible

Poem – Contrast of Worlds—Confusing – Written 10/17/09 Angie Bennett Prince

What Happened to My Baby Girl?!

What Happened to My Baby Girl?!

Who were you really?

Yes, it sounds silly—

I knew you so well;

Now I’m living hell.

How can I go on—

One God gave on loan

Is no longer here;

I can’t change the gear;

I can’t move forward;

I can’t go toward

Life—I live in death,

Dying each life’s breath,

Missing one I love

Though she’s gone above,

My heart’s gone to hell

Since the day you fell . . . .

Where were you headed

Restless, pathetic—

Why did you so cling

To the sick’ning thing

That drained life away,

Making color gray,

Making happy sad,

Making honest bad,

S-t-e-a-l-i-n-g you from me,

Killing my baby!

See how I am stuck

In the mire and muck?

So lost . . . grieving you,

And then wondering who . . .

Who you really were—

I didn’t know . . . her—

The one friends describe

As one who’d imbibe,

Treating people mean,

Manipulating,

Lying through your teeth.

M-a-r-i-j-u-a-n-a leaf

Controlled ev’ry move,

All moves to behoove

Smoking that next joint . . .

But what was the point—

To escape your life . . .

Into darkness rife?

They say you looked “hard,”

Cuts me like a shard;

My baby was soft

With no hacking cough.

She smelled like a rose,

No stench to the nose,

No cigarette stench

Where noses would pinch

To refresh the air.

But you didn’t care;

You just wanted more . . . .

Our LOVE you’d ignore;

It got in your way

Of having your way:

Party, sleep, repeat:

Destruction replete.

Well, you got your wish,

And I got anguish.

So you were destroyed,

And I face the void,

Wond’ring what happened,

Living life, saddened . . .

Where’d my baby go . . .

That – I’ll never know!

So I’m left to die

Broken heart inside,

Witnessing your death

Before . . . your last breath!

What happened to you

. . . Before . . . death took you?

My sweet baby’s gone,

Stolen by a clone

That people describe

Without you inside . . . .

THAT must be the child

Who’s tender and mild,

God resurrected

When death infected

Out-of-control-child

Who stole you, went wild.

So THAT’S where you are!

Perched upon a star,

Talking with Mommy—

No more a zombie!

You have your TRUE soul;

God has made you whole!

That’s why I feel blessed

And my heart caressed

When we two commune,

Our hearts back in tune!

My baby is here;

Her spirit is near . . . .

No more bound by chains,

Now your heart regains

The soul God gave you

When He made you new.

Now I can rejoice;

I hear your REAL voice!

Though my baby’s “gone,”

She’s no more a clone!

Though death’s a fact,

My baby is back!

Bless-ed be Your name;

You all pow’r reclaim.

Buried in the tomb

You’ve changed to a womb

That begets the child

Satan had beguiled.

Now she is restored

As our prayers implored!

It’s like Jesus said,

Before He was dead . . .

“Wheat must fall and die

To reap its real life!

So each man must die

To reap his true life!”

Baby, though you died,

In Him you abide!

Now freed from all sin,

True freedom you win.

You live though you died!

In peace, I'll abide;

God's love comes beside . . .

Command those who are rich in this present world not to be arrogant nor to put their hope in wealth, which is so uncertain, but to put their hope in God, who richly provides us with everything for our enjoyment. Command them to do good, to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous and willing to share. In this way they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation for the coming age, so that they may take hold of the life that is truly life. 1 Timothy 6:17- 19


Jesus replied, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” John 12:23-25


Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies . . . ."


Written 4/9/09 - What Happened to My Baby Girl?! - Angie Bennett Prince

Losing You Before I Lost You

Crystal Tears, originally uploaded by Co®tex™.

Losing You Before I Lost You …

Baby, did you know before you had t’ go…
I was losing you before I lost you?
I bottomed out today; I got so low,
My body crashed before my spirit knew
How badly I hurt, rashly missing you.

I had to watch you disappear before
My very eyes; Satan tangled with you,
Trying to destroy; it hurt me to th’ core.
Th’ day you met mar’juana is th’ day I’d rue.
Oh, how I hurt, drastically missing you!

You couldn’t hear my pleas, tuned out my cries.
The Enemy lured you with his delight;
He destroyed you before my very eyes.
You were so blind, you could not see the light.
And now, baby girl, I’m left missing you!

You abandoned the little girl I knew,
Foll’wing so hard after th’ drug- induced thrill.
A naïve teen, you barely had a clue;
I knew, for you, it’d be a poisonous pill.
Hurting, baby girl, I’m left missing you.

I can’t decide which is worse . . . losing you
Before . . . trying to stop the disaster,
But nothing we tried was getting through t’ you;
You wouldn’t stop, or . . . losing you after . . . .
Either way, we lose; we’re left missing you.

Losing you before—was terrifying—
We knew the implications of your choice
As you chose acts that were death-defying;
But you couldn’t hear . . . like we had no voice.
So we were left, helplessly missing you.

Losing you after—was life-shattering—
You lost your life, and so we too were killed.
Our souls take a beating, our hearts take a battering;
You were killed, so our hearts, ripped-open, spilled.
And now we’re left, lifelessly missing you.

Th’ only hope we have—we’ll see you again;
Satan killed your body; God saved your soul.
God paved a way for you; His saving plan
Made you whole, so we will hold you again!
Till that day, we’re left, sadly missing you.

Written 4/5/2009 - Losing You Before I Lost You - Angie Bennett Prince