I ASKED FOR BREAD AND GOT A STONE

By Merry Katherine's daddy, Tommy

I ASKED FOR BREAD AND GOT A STONE

"For a parent, having a precious child messing with the drug world is living a life of terror and fear."

For a parent, having a precious child messing with the drug world is living a life of terror and fear. You get to watch your baby girl change for the worst right before your eyes. Deception and lies begin to take the place of sweetness and honesty. The darkness begins to slowly snuff out the brightness of her life and personality. The decisions that she makes are skewed by the draw of pursuing an altered state of consciousness. An authentic and honest conversation with my daughter is no longer possible with the interference of her urge to flee from truth. Engaging in self-destructive activities takes precedence, and is highly admired and encouraged by a totally “new” class of friends.

As a parent, I was constantly preoccupied with “What must I keep doing to protect my child from herself?” My thought-life and physical-life were always in a state of “high alert” to intervene to keep harm from coming her way. Then it came down to the ultimate agonizing decision to save my child by not “enabling” her anymore and tell her she is on her own.

Prior to this, I am thinking and contemplating, “What must I do to break the spell she seems to be under? I am losing my daughter, and I am doing everything in my power to save her, and nothing is having an impact.” A sense of helplessness infiltrates my insides, and anxiety takes over my emotional state.

The not knowing where-she-is or how-she-is-doing is almost more than I can bear. All day everyday, I am praying for her and pleading with God to watch out for her since I cannot anymore.

“Please save my baby, Lord! Watch over her and keep her safe,” I beg.

Day after day, this agonizing goes on, and I struggle with the coldness of my insides in the middle of the summer.

Then one day, my heart leaps with joy as she comes to visit, and everything in me wants to hold her and hug her and never let go.

But I restrain and guard myself lest I get drawn into something she wants that will do her more harm than good. After a little while, she is gone but returns two days later to gather up special things for an ill-advised beach trip.

The next day, a deputy sheriff walks into my backyard while I am mowing. He asks me, “Is there a shady place we can go to talk?” He then struggles to tell me the driver of the S.U.V. my daughter was riding in passed out at the wheel. My nineteen-year-old sweet baby girl was killed somewhere on the side of the road in Alabama . . .

Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?

Matthew 7:9 NIV

Written 5/6/09 - I ASKED FOR BREAD AND GOT A STONE - Tommy C. Prince

Profound Nightmare

Profound Nightmare

 

To bed at 2, up at 3:47 . . .

Dreamed of her—it was another nightmare:

I thought she was here, not up in Heaven,

And yet I could not find her anywhere.  

I dreamed it was some kind of holiday,

A special day I was to share with her.  

I couldn’t find her; there was not a way . . .

Of which date, or which place, I was not sure!

. . . So I was going to get to see her,

Could not find her—I was letting her down!

Frenetically seeking, kept missing her . . .

Rules I was following would run aground.  

. . . A superficial world I was hanging

Onto, the rules of which I could not change:

It seemed my head, I was “banging, banging”—

The pathway I was on was way too strange.

(What could the moral of my nightmare be?)

She was somewhere, but on a different plane.

My clichéd rules were just frustrating me;

Holding onto them were just bringing pain.

I was living in a make-believe world,

Its rules could not help me find m’ baby girl.

Perhaps she wasn’t the only one stuck;

We were both trapped in lives kicking up muck!

In her life here, she was with me, but lies

Were what was keeping me away from her.

Now she’s away—in Heaven; I realize

My make-believe “dreams” distance me from her.

But I could not seem to drop rigid rules;

I knew I was using all the wrong tools.

When she was here, she was “bound” to have her way;

My make-believe dreams trap me the same way.

Why can’t I stop my magical thinking,

That if she were here, my life would be “syncing.”

Letting her go would mean trusting that God

Would bring her closer by (her) leaving this sod.

This world—is not all there is, I must trust!

We get our real life by turning to dust?!

Letting her go brings her closer to me?!

Holding what was distances her from me?!

God, may You have mercy to set me free—

“My” kingdom on earth is not good for me;

I must let go of all idol worship,

Even if it means “perfect life” worship!

Lord, You know I’m stuck in all the wrong rules;

The only way “out” is to use Your tools.

The only release is to follow You—

Lord, refresh my heart with Your morning dew . . .

Create a clean heart, right spirit renew!

Create in me a clean heart, O God; and renew a right spirit within me.  

Psalm 51:10 KJV  (one of her favorite verses)

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Written 4/21/09 – Profound Nightmare – Angie Bennett Prince  

My Psalm — My Father God Loves Me in My Grief (An Acrostic Psalm)

                 My Psalm — 

 My Father God Loves Me in My Grief . . .

An Acrostic Psalm

    

....   Mourning my baby girl, I come to You; 

       You’re my respite amidst Death’s noxious view.

        Faithful are You Father God to love me! 

        Always and forever come above me,                                               

       Tabernacling o’er me with Your comfort, 

        Healing and holding my broken-heart’s hurt

        Even as You hold me and hurt with me,

        Reminding me You’ll e'er stay here with me.

                                                

        Guiding me through my soul’s pain, You lead me                      

       Over hills of misunderstanding You,               

        Down and through ravines, doubts’ and fears’ purview.

                                                        

          Lead me, O Gentle Shepherd, across plains 

          Of barren-desert-spirit’s sordid pains,                                 

          Void of living waters to replenish,           

          Ever hold me up until life’s finish. 

          Simply keep my tear-stricken eyes on You,

Moving them to see Your Heavenly view— 

Evermore my baby girl basks in You!

In her Father’s arms, she rests her tired soul, 

Near her Savior who died to make her whole.

  

My baby girl is no longer war-torn;                       

You gagged Vile One who’d coaxed her to suborn.

 

          Granting her shame, You drew her back to Grace. 

          Repenting from dark deeds, she sought Your face,

      Invoked Your help to save her from her ways, 

          Exhume her faith—  So now her arms upraise, 

          Forever thanks You, singing out Your praise!

Written 

4/28/09 -- My Psalm - My Father God Loves Me in My Grief  (An Acrostic Psalm) - Angie Bennett Prince

Bless the Beasts and the Children

"Life here's not all! ... There's the rub."

Bless the Beasts and the Children

“Play little tiger; play with your mother;
We haven’t much time to stay;
But I know you must miss your big brother,
So take your time now to play.

“Because it’s so safe to play in Beast Park,
You may take your time to roam;
The sky is cloudy; it will soon be dark—
When we get tired, we’ll go home.”

Mother said, “God bless my cub; she’s so young;
Yet she likes to be so bold;
She doesn’t know there’s danger in this world—
She’s the strongest of her fold.”

God smiled tenderly at mother and cub,
“Don’t you know I will take care
Of little cub, whether her paws might stub
Or troubles—the lion’s share
Plague her like ... that one behind that tall shrub?”

Mother jumped up, quivering in alarm,
Grabbing her cub in her grip,
“Why did You say You’d protect from all harm?
I didn’t ask for hardship!”

As the lion ran, God said with concern,
“She must have trials to grow;
Otherwise, she’s too weak for this sojourn—
So some dangers she must know!”

“Her brother was killed; why should I trust You?
You didn’t protect that cub!
We must go home now; I don’t like Your view—
I can take care of my cub!”

“So that’s what scares you,” He tenderly said.
“You trusted me with Big Cub;
It must not have ‘worked’ then—Big Cub is dead.


"Life here's not all! ... There's the rub."


Mother moved close ... then walked away sadly,
She couldn’t risk cub’s life to end badly,
So she left the God of Life,
Walked down Doubting Path of Strife . . .




Bless the beasts and the children,
God bless doubting mommies and daddies too –
When dark storms taunt and threaten,
God, grant us trust to help us hope in You!

Painting by Eugene Delacrois, A Young Tiger Playing with its Mother, 1830
You Tube, The Carpenters, "Bless the Beasts and the Children"

Poem written in response to poetry cues beast, bless, bold, and to the painting of "A Young Tiger Playing with its Mother" by Eugene Delacrois, 1830 as noted on the blog, Simply Snickers: http://simplysnickers.blogspot.com/2009/04/poetry-prompt-through-sunday-april-26.html

Written 4/24/09 - Bless the Beasts and the Children - Angie Bennett Prince

Catch and Release

Catch and Release


Standing in the little creek, he will cast
His line into the water, slinging past
The branches of the nearby trees, the patch
Of tallest trees, thus hoping not to catch
His line among the branches’ burly limbs,
And thus confuse neither balance nor whims,
Whims of fancy drawn to drown out the gloom:
Gloom that had descended as heart-hurts loom
Since his older brother had gone away
Somewhere far away where he’d have to stay:
“Who’ll throw my ball with me, now that he’s gone?”
The thought caught his mind as the hook upon
The branch above did catch, spinning his heart
Like his line spinning around the limb – part
Of his hook sticking as his heart got stuck
In places unwanted, grief’s mire and muck.
He pulled and pulled till the hook came unstuck,
At the same time God’s Word upon him struck:
“Cast all your cares upon Him, for He cares
For you!”* He cast again, this time no snares,
Neither from branch nor his thoughts held him up.
But—what luck! Just as he pulled his line up,
He saw his caught-fish fly up in the air
Just as he glimpsed God holding him with care!
He knew at that moment he would get through—
It would not be easy, his heart still blue,
But his heart suddenly filled with God’s peace,
The hurts from his heart did suddenly cease—
When he thought of his brother in God’s care,
He could see him fishing in waters there . . .
He knew he was not stuck with death’s caprice . . .
For just as death did “catch,” God did release!

* I Peter 5:7

Painting by Thomas Hart Benton, Boy Fishing, 1930's

Poem written in response to poetry cues: cast, catch, confuse, and to Benton's painting of "Boy Fishing" as noted on the blog, Simply Snickers: http://simplysnickers.blogspot.com/2009/04/poetry-prompt-through-sunday-april-19.html

Written 4/18/09 - Catch and Release - Angie Bennett Prince

What Did My Faith Lack?

I was reading a passage from a book today when I got triggered and wrote the following poem. The passage that triggered me was from Wayne Jacobsen’s book, He Loves Me: Learning to Live in the Father’s Affection:

Trust: it is so easy to talk about but so hard to put into
practice. Nothing is more theologically certain than that God is
faithful and trustworthy. But learning how to live in that trust
through the twists and turns of our lives is the most difficult
challenge we face.
It took God almost Abraham’s entire life to teach Abraham
the joy of trusting him. But he did it. Finally when the patriarch
was asked to give up his only son and heir, he trusted God’s plan
and God’s nature enough to set about the task . . . .

What Did My Faith Lack?


. . . But God, when You asked Abraham to give
Up Isaac, and he did . . . he got him back!
His child was spared; he was able to live!
I’m taken aback; what did my faith lack?

I gave my child to You, and yet she died!
Abraham’s feat’s known as an act of “faith,”
And yet my heart to You truly complied;
All I have left of my child . . . is a wraith!

Forgive my impudence; I don’t understand!
Please come alongside, take me by the hand.
For my faith, I feel I got . . . Your backhand,
And now I live in Death’s barren wasteland.

You are my Father; You want honesty;
Please help Your child; by faith I cannot see.


“But child, don’t you see? You must lean on Me.
Cry to Me your tears; I will help you see!
I am your Daddy through Death’s Dark Valley …
Put your hand in Mine; I will help you see.

“You must “see” My kingdom’s not of this world;
Your baby lives! I hold your baby girl!
Your baby lies in My arms, safely curled,
At peace, where the Serpent cannot unfurl.

“Faith is being sure of what you hope for,
Being certain of what you do not see
You know My heart toward this child you adore;
By faith, you must keep your eyes upon Me.

“You know My heart! I don’t destroy; I save!
‘Evil One’ kills. – To your child, Life I gave!
For her soul’s safety, My Son, His life gave;
She trusted Him, so her sins I forgave;
I don’t kill; I resurrect from the grave!

“You must ever keep your eyes upon Me—
Peter had to keep his eyes off the waves;
By faith he had to keep his eyes on Me;
So you must see Me, and not all the graves . . .
Life does not end there when a child knows Me;
I overcome all the waves and the graves!

Just as by faith, you gave your child to Me,
So by faith, please know: Your child rests in Me!”

*******************


Some time later God tested Abraham. He said to him, “Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
Then God said, “Take your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love, and go to the region of Moriah. Sacrifice him there as a burnt offering on one of the mountains I will tell you about.”
Early the next morning Abraham got up and saddled his donkey. He took with him two of his servants and his son Isaac. When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about. On the third day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance. He said to his servants, “Stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there. We will worship and then we will come back to you.”
Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Isaac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife. As the two of them went on together, Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”
“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied.
“The fire and wood are here,” Isaac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”
Abraham answered, “God Himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went on together.
When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged the wood on it,. He bound his son Isaac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood. Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son. But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham! Abraham!”
“Here I am,” he replied.
“Do not lay a hand on the boy,” he said. “Do not do anything to him. Now I know that you fear God, because you have not withheld from me your son, your only son.”
Abraham looked up and there in a thicket he saw a ram caught by its horns. He went over and took the ram and sacrificed it as a burnt offering instead of his son. So Abraham called that place “The Lord will provide.” And to this day it is said, “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.”
The angel of the Lord called to Abraham from heaven a second time and said, “I swear by Myself,” declares the Lord, “that because you have done this and have not withheld your son, your only son, I will surely bless you and make your descendants as numerous as the stars in the sky and as the sand on the seashore. Your descendants will take possession of the cities of their enemies, and through you offspring all nations on earth will be blessed, because you have obeyed Me.”
Genesis 22:1-18 NIV

By faith Abraham, when God tested him, offered Isaac as a sacrifice. He who had received the promises was about to sacrifice his one and only son, even though God had said to him, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.” Abraham reasoned that God could raise the dead, and figuratively speaking, he did receive Isaac back from death.
Hebrews 11:17-19 NIV

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: He leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul: He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for His name’s sake. Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thou art with me; Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me. Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.
Psalm 23 KJV

Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, My servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jews. But now My kingdom is from another place.”
John 18:33 NIV

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1 NIV

(Jesus said,) The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.
John 10:10-11 NIV

For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son that whosoever believeth on Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.
John 3:16 KJV

Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me will live, even though he dies;”
John 11:25 NIV

During the fourth watch of the night, Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw Him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.
But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”
“Lord, if it’s You,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to You on the water.”
“Come,” He said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat and walked on the water to Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”
Immediately Jesus reached out His hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” He said, “why did you doubt?”
And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped Him, saying, “Truly You are the Son of God.”
Matthew 14:25-33 NIV

So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.
2 Corinthians 4:18 NIV

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Hebrews 12:2 NIV

He tends His flock like a Shepherd: He gathers the lambs in His arms and carries them close to His heart . . . .
Isaiah 40:11 NIV


Written 4/15/09 - What Did My Faith Lack? - Angie Bennett Prince