Losing My Mind

Losing My Mind

God, my family thinks I’m losing my mind,

And some days I have thoughts of the same kind...

They’ll tell me something, and minutes later,

I’ll forget...my mind filled with things graver...

Like death, dying, and where’s my baby girl?!

My mind is spinning; my brain is awhirl—

Nothing’s no longer right in this wrong world!

I don’t belong here, without my li’l girl....

Into a living nightmare I’ve been hurled

Where thoughts and beliefs and feelings just swirl,

But no matter how I pine and ponder,

My mind cannot rest, but starts to wander:

Is there some thing I can DO t’ make it right . . .

To end this horrible state of my plight?

And please don’t tell me she’s not coming back;

I cannot take a life filled with such lack!

We went through Father’s Day; she wasn’t there—

It felt so wrong ...our fam'ly circle, square?

Voices so lively, yet SHE wasn’t there!

On a day so special, her place was bare...

How do I go on, a hole in my heart,

A knife in my gut? My world falls apart...

So, no, I don’t think so clearly just now;

My mind can’t conceive of just where or how

Life should go on; who am I anyhow—

A counselor with no heart? – We can’t allow

Clients to come in, to talk problems out

With the counselor whose heart has been ripped out!

So I guess it’s going to take awhile

Till my heart, soul, and spirit reconcile

That th' horrible absence that is present…

Is just part of our heav’nly investment—

She is now wearing her heav'nly vestment…

Though absent here, she is very present…

In the stillness, we will feel her essence

As she blesses our hearts with her presence.

But if we’re not quiet, we might miss her...

Quiet our minds...for by faith we’ll see her!

Quiet me now, with Your comfort draw near,

Till that Day my baby girl will appear...

Picture: Angel & Butterfly card.jpg

Written 6/22/09 - Poem – Losing My Mind – Angie Bennett Prince

Her Father's Love

Her Father's Love

You had the pow’r to save my baby girl . . .

When she was sad, You came to comfort her,

When she was harmed, Your protection would unfurl,

When she was lonely, You came t’ visit her.

When she sinned, Your own Lamb came t’ take her sin,

When she would cry, You wiped her tears away;

When she was estranged, You came, took her in,

When she was taunted, You kept th’ Fiend at bay.

When she was vulnerable, You gave strength,

When she faltered, You’d go to any length,

Ev’n parted the heav’ns to come, rescue her,

Sought th’ cherubims, on their wings You mounted . . .

You battled when foes were too strong for her,

In waters too high, You took hold of her.

When she could not hear, Your voice resounded.

But when You spoke, and she refused, You warned,

But when she still turned You away, You mourned . . .

And when she ran from You, asserting her will,

You let her go, but You loved her still . . .

When the Enemy pounced, her body killed,

You took her to Heaven, Your Love revealed.

But long before the bells for her life pealed,

Her Father’s Love made sure her soul was sealed.

Based on Psalm 18

Picture: Angel_of_the_Aurora_2A.jpg on http://www.skychasers.net/sue.htm

Written 6/16/09 – Her Father’s Love – Angie Bennett Prince

People Who Leave Church - A New Study by Joel Black (and My Comment)

People Who Leave Church -

 A New Study

by Joel Black

(and my comment)

OK, so here is the post I talked about here.  [Angie's readers, see Blogpost (A) below.]  Church EXITers!  Dr. Barb Orlowski has recenty finished research on people who leave church.  Her work was done in British Columbia, Canada and you can read all about it here.  [Angie's readers, see Website (B) address below.]

It is no secret anymore that people are quitting church by the droves.   A simple cursory overview of recent headlines attest to this fact.  So, when I come across new research that helps us to look more deeply into the issue I am eager to see what conclusions are drawn as to how to address the issue.

While many people leave the church because they have felt there is something more to following Jesus than what they find in a local church setting, this particular study deals with people who have left church because of spiritual abuse.

(My comment:)

Angie B. Prince, M.Ed., Sr. L.P.E. says

Joel,

I am a Christian psychotherapist who has researched the literature to help folks who are having to deal with the aftermaths of spiritual abuse. You might mention to Barb, and your readers might like to know there is an excellent book in helping victims of spiritual abuse to process some of their betrayal and understanding of what happened to them and the role of each person involved in the abuse including those in authority who should have brought accountability to bear.

The book is Toxic Faith by Stephen Arterburn, first printed in 1991 and again printed in 2001. Toxic Faith dissects the whole sick system of the church in which such abuse is perpetrated even down to the role of the healthy members that try to bring accountability to bear but then are treated by the unhealthy “perpetrator,” “co-conspirators,” and “enablers” as “outcasts” as if they themselves are the sick ones.

Also, there is a psychologist whom I greatly respect who works with abused parishioner(s) as well as the perpetrator(s) and the denominational leadership of the sick church system to begin to treat all of the brokenness rampant in such sick systems. Her name is Diane Langberg, Ph.D. Diane is a psychologist with over 25 years experience, counseling in private practice in the Philadelphia suburbs. She is also the current chair of the executive board of the American Association of Christian Counselors (AACC) headed up by Tim Clinton (president); AACC has a membership of over 50,000 members. Diane gave an excellent talk (which is available by CD through AACC) that explains the dynamics of many of our churches and the nature of their structure (hierarchies, expectations, etc.) that sets the pastor up for disaster. She also is engaged in speaking and lecturing on the realities of life in the ministry.

Thank you for printing this post Joel.

May God heal His abused lambs and cleanse the churches of “her officials within her (who) are like wolves tearing their prey.” (Ezekiel 22:27)

May God bless you,

Angie

Dear Readers of my blog,

There are many kinds of grief-- grief over the death of your child is the grief I mostly discuss on this blog.  But today, I came across an article about another kind of grief that I know is devastating to its victims, and that is grief from spiritual abuse within the church.  When a person in a position of authority (e.g., a boss, an attorney, a police officer, etc.) abuses a person , it is painful, but when the abuse is from a person in a position of authority who is also God's representative to you, such as a priest, or a pastor, it is painful, spiritually confusing, and potentially devastating.  So I wanted to include my response to this article in tonight's post so that if any of you are struggling with such grief, you would know of potential resources that may be of some help to you.

A) http://www.irreligiouscanuck.com/why-religion-doesnt-work

B)  http://www.churchexiters.com/

http://www.irreligiouscanuck.com/people-who-leave-church-a-new-study

http://bit.ly/43Z0t LinkedIn for Diane Langberg, Ph.D.

A Daddy’s Love

A Daddy’s Love

Your daddy would pick you up, swing you ‘round—
Ev’ry day when you ran home from th’ bus stop;
When you’d see him, straight to his arms you’d bound
After backpack’s slung off your arms to drop.

Sometimes he’d surprise you and hide from you,
Espying from behind a bush, he’d peek
Till you looked until he came into view—
A modified version of hide-and-seek.

When it rained, he’d drive to th’ bus stop and park
To keep you from having to walk in th’ rain . . .
With him as your daddy, your life was a lark;
You had nothing to lose and all to gain.

Your friend saw your life: “You so have it made,”
As she saw you so surrounded with love . . .

If love could prevent . . . you’d never have strayed . . .
T’ be picked up in Love . . . by Father above.

So my dear child, still surrounded with Love . . .
Rest in peace, in your Father’s arms of Love . . .

But this Father’s Day, just look down and peek –
Though now you’ll “hide,” your daddy will e’er seek ...
Till one day you will come into full view,
And he’ll evermore celebrate with you!



Poetry prompts park, peek, pick
Carl Larson’s painting. “Brita and I” (Self Portrait), 1895 for http://simplysnickers.blogspot.com/2009/05/poetry-prompt-through-sunday-may-31.html

Written 5/30/09 – A Daddy’s Love – Angie Bennett Prince

From Tangled to Jaws of LIFE

From Tangled
to
Jaws of LIFE

From being tangled up in a drug world
To being tangled up in a mangled car . . .

Our “jaws of life” couldn’t pull you from one.
Too late, “jaws of life” pulled you from th’ other.

Tangled in drugs cut your heart, soul, and spirit.
Mangled car mutilated your body.

Tangled in drugs cut you away from us.
Mangled up by car cut your life from us.

From tangled to mangled, both took your heart …


Till LIFE picked you up, put you in His Jaws,
Saving from the one preying on your soul . . .




Photo from www.Flickr.com

Written 5/22/09 – From Tangled to Jaws of LIFE – Angie Bennett Prince

Counselor, “Heal Thyself!"

hope …is what keeps me alive

The Lord is there to rescue all who are discouraged and have given up hope. 

~Psalm 34:18 CEV 

Counselor, “Heal Thyself!"

 

Light-headed, can’t catch my breath, panic-struck,

Triggered, hypervigilant; now I’m stuck . . .

Hap’ning again – signs of PTSD —

Time for this counselor—“practice what you preach!”

. . . A song . . . “God is moving by His Spirit . . .”

Comes to mind—my “right brain” needs to hear it!

God hovers near; shortly, here come the tears.

Panic is broken . . . and so are my fears.

A simple song from a former church life,

The pastor would sing, soothing each of us . . .

Soothing harried hearts to a quiet hush . . . .  

I “hear” him sing . . . then . . . here comes the knife—

This man of God too, lost his precious child;

My crying heart cannot be reconciled:

So much suffering here—in our lives on earth—

Losing our children – what’s all this pain worth?

It ravages our lives, renders us weak . . .

My son reminds–That’s when we hear God speak!

The Man of Sorrows, acquainted with grief

Ministers to my heart, brings sweet relief . . .

Thank You O God for a way through the pain;

You provide Your light amidst death’s dark bane.

You said, “In this world, you will have trouble.”

(This is so true—I lost my baby girl!)

“But take heart!  I have overcome the world.”

Your Sweet Spirit lifts me from death’s rubble . . . 

 

*PTSD:  Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

**God Is Moving By His Spirit

            God is Moving By His Spirit,

            Moving o’er all the earth,

            Signs and wonders when God moveth,

            Move, O Lord,  in me.

what if i got it wrong, picture originally uploaded by jane.bird.

In memory of Paul Dana Walker, Jr.  1956 - 1980

In memory of Merry Katherine Prince  3/29/1987 - 8/2/2006

Written 5/17/09 – Counselor, “Heal Thyself!” – Angie Bennett Prince